A Christmas Angel
by GlacialSwan
Summary: A motherless little girl's wish for Christmas angel comes true with the arrival of a beautiful stranger at her father's Idaho farm. N/M...
1. Prologue

SUMMARY: A motherless little girl's wish for a Christmas angel comes true with the arrival of a beautiful stranger at her father's Idaho farm.

_**Aoi Hyuuga - daughter of Luna and known daughter of Natsume**_

_**Natsume Hyuuga - clerk at the store owned by the Sakura's 11 years back then**_

_**Dorothea Sakura - mother of Luna and stepmother of Mikan**_

_**David Sakura- father of Mikan**_

* * *

_Idaho, 1992_

Aoi's eyes lit with excitement as she looked at the angel in the mail order catalog. She didn't think she'd ever seen anything more beautiful in all her life. And this was only in an ink drawing. She could just imagine what the spun-gold hair, white satin gown, and gossamer-like wings _really_ looked like.

The front door whistled open, and a cold blast of air whipped across the room as her father entered the house.

Aoi glanced up. "Pa! Come look at this," she called, unable to hide the excitement in her voice.

"What've you got there?" Natsume Hyuuga smiled as he shrugged out of his wool and hung it on a hook near the door.

"Look at the angel, Pa. wouldn't she be perfect on top of a Christmas tree?"

He crossed the kitchen in four strides. His hand alighted on Aoi's shoulder as he bent forward, his gaze on the catalog. "Yes, she sure would, pet. She'd be perfect, alright."

Aoi glanced up at her father. She'd heard the weariness in his voice, and she could see it in his face, too. She felt a stab of guilt for wanting something like an angel when she knew they couldn't afford it.

And it was all her fault. If she hadn't fallen out of the hayloft…

Natsume ruffled his daughters hair as he kissed her cheek. "We'll see what we can do. "

"I didn't mean I wanted it, Pa," she lied. "I just thought she was pretty."

"Well, who knows? Maybe Saint Nicholas will decide to bring you one just like her."

She wrinkled her nose. "I'm too old to believe in Saint Nick," she replied, adding an emphatic _harrumph_ for good measure.

Her father didn't say anything more. He simply nodded, then straightened and went into his bedroom.

Aoi stared at the door to his bedroom for a long time before returning her gaze to the angel in the catalog. Guilty or not, she _did_ wish they could have it. She was certain a heavenly spirit like the golden-haired angel would bring good fortune to her father.

Maybe – if she'd still believe in Saint Nick – the jolly old elf would have brought her a Christmas angel, but ten years old was _too _old to believe in such nonsense.

Even so, she couldn't quite stop herself from closing her eyes and wishing for it, all the same.


	2. Letter

SUMMARY: A motherless little girl's wish for a Christmas angel comes true with the arrival of a beautiful stranger at her father's Idaho farm.

_**Aoi Hyuuga - daughter of Luna and known daughter of Natsume**_

_**Natsume Hyuuga - clerk at the store owned by the Sakura's 11 years back then**_

_**Dorothea Sakura - mother of Luna and stepmother of Mikan**_

_**David Sakura- father of Mikan**_

* * *

Mikan Sakura sighed as she stared out the sooty window. The country side, vast and snow-covered, rolled steadily past, the train carrying her farther and farther away from Chicago and all she'd ever known.

She tried her best not to think about what she was doing – leaving behind her comfortably familiar position at the Angel of Mercy Hospital, her comfortably familiar rooms at Mrs. Tsubame's Boarding house, her familiar courtship with Ruka Nogi.

"You can't be serious!" Ruka had cried when she'd told him what she was going to do. "This is insane! What about me? Don't you care what I think of this? What if I tell you I don't want you to go?"

_Perhaps Ruka was right. Perhaps it is insane._

"What about you, Ruka?" she'd asked. "Is there some reason for me to stay?"

His eyes had bulged slightly, as if someone had choked off his air supply. In the end, he'd stormed out of the house without saying another word.

What had she expected him to say? _I love you, Mikan? Stay and marry me, Mikan?_

No, she hadn't really expected him to say those things. Not then and not ever. Ruka had always been content to see her on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, precisely at six o'clock. On Sundays, he'd never failed to walk her to and from the Methodist Church three blocks from the boarding house. He'd never shown any inclination to deviate from his accustomed routine, certainly not with such a drastic step of marriage.

In truth, she wasn't sure what she would have done if Ruka had ever proposed. She supposed she was actually relieved that he hadn't. Whenever she'd tried to imagine herself as his wife, she'd failed. She'd known she wasn't in love with him. He wasn't the sort of man to send a woman's heart into flight of ecstasy. Solid and dependable. Safe and reliable. Comfortably familiar. Those were the words one would use to describe Ruka Nogi.

Just the right sort of man for a drab old maid – but even a drab old maid had a few dreams left.

Mikan closed her eyes. When she did, it wasn't Ruka's face that came to mind. It was a face from out of the past. A face she often remembered. A face she would be seeing again by this time tomorrow.

How much would Natsume Hyuuga have changed since she'd last seen him? She wondered. Would his hair be the same black? Would it still be thick and unruly, the way she remembered it? Would his eyes be the same intense shade of red.? Would he still stand head – above –the –crowd tall? Would he still have a crooked smile, one that reached his eyes while the right side of his mouth turned up higher than the left?

She opened her eyes and straightened, shaking her head to rid herself of Natsume's image. It wasn't seemly of her to be thinking about him this way. After all, she wasn't love – struck thirteen – year – old any longer. She was twenty-four and a nurse. And Natsume Hyuuga wasn't an eight-year-old clerk in her father's mercantile store. He was her step sister's widower. His daughter was her niece – Aoi Hyuuga was the sole reason Mikan was headed for Idaho.

"We never should have let Mikan stay out of west after Luna died," Dorothea Sakura had stated when her husband, David, had finished reading the letter from Natsume.

The three of them had been sitting around the table when the letter from Idaho arrived. Mikan had always come for dinner with her father and stepmother on Saturdays, and that day hadn't appeared to be any different from all the Saturdays that had gone before. Not until Natsume's letter had been delivered.

"We should have demanded that _that man_ bring our grandchild to us where she belonged. We should have known _he_ couldn't take proper care of her. Now it's too late. She's crippled. What kind of father is he? And he has the nerve to ask us for help! We shall certainly _not_ send him any money. Dear heavens, Luna's daughter a cripple. How will she ever find a husband now?"

Aoi is hardly old enough to have to worry about finding a husband," David had said without looking up from the slip of paper in his hand. "Besides, the letter doesn't say she won't get well. The doctor seems to have hope for her recovery if she has the proper care."

Dorothea had dabbed at her misty eyes with her handkerchief, acting as if she hadn't heard him. "Oh, my poor Luna. When I think of what she had to suffer with _that man_. Oh, my poor, dear, dead Luna."

"Father?" Mikan had interrupted softly. "May I see the letter, please?" she'd held out her hand, and he'd given it to her.

…_Aoi is in need of a nurse…no promise that she'll ever walk again, although the doctor has hope…all savings depleted…grateful for whatever you can do…_

She'd read the few lines several times before she'd looked up again and stated simply, "I'll go to Idaho to care for Aoi."

"Mikan, are you sure?" her father had asked.

"Yes."

_Why did I do it? _She wondered now as she turned her gaze back on the wintry plains passing her window.

The steady rhythm of the train chugging along on its tracks lulled into a dream – world, taking her thoughts further back in time. **Back eleven years…**

Natsume carried a heavy box from the flatbed wagon into the stockroom at the back of the mercantile. When he set it down, he glanced toward Mikan who was sitting on a pickle barrel.

"What're you reading now, polka?" he asked as he wiped his hands on his trouser legs. He took the pamphlet from her hands. _"Suggestions for the Improvement of the Nursing Service for the Sick Poor_ by Florence Nightingale._"_ He cocked an eyebrow at her.

"I'm going to be a nurse some day."

He grinned, as if responding to a great joke. _"You?"_

"And why not?" She grabbed the pamphlet back from him. "I've always liked taking care of things. And I'm smart enough. Mr. Narumi told me I am."

His teasing grin vanished immediately. "Never said you weren't smart enough. You'd have to be with all of your books you've read. I reckon your teacher was right. You'll be able to do whatever you set your mind to." He smiled again, this time warmly.

Her whole stomach seemed chock full of butterflies as she looked up into his brilliant bloody gaze. She didn't suppose anything could make her feel better than to have Natsume looking at her like that, like he though she was like somebody special. She wished she could tell him how she felt about him. She wished she could let him know she loved him with all the love her thirteen-year-old heart possessed.

"What about you, Natsume? You've never said what you want to do."

The teasing light was back in his eyes. "You mean when I grow up?"

"I'm serious. I know you don't want to just go on clerking in a store."

"And how do you know that, polka?"

"Because I've seen that faraway look in your eyes, and I know it means your thinking of some place you'd rather be. Where is it?"

"You see a lot for a little girl."

She scowled at him.

He shrugged. "Okay, I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you. I've always wanted to go out west. I'd like to own some land of my own, far away from Chicago and so many people. I'd like to see the mountains and be able to listen to the silence when I sit outside my own house at night. Someday, when I've got enough money put aside, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go west and have me a farm."

Mikan closed her eyes and tried to imagine a place such as he'd described. She's wondered if he'd build enough for more than just himself. She wondered if he ever imagined her being there with him. She wondered if there were any call for nurses out west.

_"Oh… there you are."_

Mikan felt her stomach plummet. She opened her eyes and watched her stepsister stop in the doorway of the storeroom.

Luna, clad in a bright – yellow gingham dress, didn't bother to look at the younger girl. Her gaze was only for Natsume. She leaned against the doorjamb, her head tilted slightly to one side, a small pout forcing her bottom lip forward.

Though only three years older that Mikan, Luna was undeniably already a woman. She was turned just right to reveal the high, full curve of her breasts, the narrowness of her waist, and the soft rounding of her hips. Her curly burgundy hair tumbled freely down her back. As always she was posed to be noticed.

And Natsume certainly noticed, Mikan thought irritably.

She glanced down at her own flat chest; at her plain brown dress, now wrinkled and covered with dust from the hours she'd sat reading in the back of the storeroom; at her none descript auburn hair that hung in two braids, one over each shoulder.

"Natsume, can you spare me a moment, please? There's a box in my closet that I simply must get down, and it's far too heavy for me. Father isn't here or I would ask him." Luna smiled.

Mikan felt her stomach drop again. Nobody could light up a room with a smile like Luna. Her flawless features made her the most sought after young woman in all Chicago. At least that's how it seemed to Mikan.

She just wished Luna didn't have to go after Natsume, too. It wasn't fair. She could have anyone of six dozen young men, but she kept flirting with Natsume Hyuuga. Maybe Mikan wouldn't have felt so bad if she though Luna really and truelly cared for him, but she didn't. Luna just liked to be the center of attention. She thought every man ought to be madly in love the moment he set eyes on her.

Trouble was, Luna thought, most men _did_ fall in love the moment they saw her.

_Nobody's ever going to feel the same way about me. I might as well be part of the furniture. _

"Sure. I'll be glad to help you," Natsume said. "Just as soon as I've finished unloading the supplies form the wagon."

Luna straightened. "I'll be waiting for you upstairs. Thanks ever so much, Natsume. You're so strong; I know you won't have a bit of trouble with it."

Mikan felt like gagging. Couldn't Natsume see what Luna was doing? Was he as blind as all the other village idiots who swarmed around the Sakura family's store?

"I won't be long," he said, then turned toward the back door.

Mikan glaced at her stepsister. Luna's smile disappeared the moment his back was turned. She stood there, biting her lower lip, lost in though, and Mikan had the distinct feeling that all was not right.

If only she's known…

Mikan blinked, cutting off the memories abruptly. She didn't want to think about Natsume, but she couldn't seem to help herself. Not now and not any time through the years. She supposed a woman always remembered her first love that way. But that had been a silly, schoolgirl affection. She was a grown woman now. She was going west to help her brother-in-law and her niece in their time of trouble. She was going because she was a nurse.

Still, she wondered if he'd ever thought of her…

_Why should he have thought of me?_ She reflected, disgusted with her continued mooning over the past. She'd been just a child when Natsume and Luna had ridden away from the church, a man and his wife on their way west to fulfill a dream.


	3. appalling

SUMMARY: A motherless little girl's wish for a Christmas angel comes true with the arrival of a beautiful stranger at her father's Idaho farm.

_**Aoi Hyuuga - daughter of Luna and known daughter of Natsume**_

_**Natsume Hyuuga - clerk at the store owned by the Sakura's 11 years back then**_

_**Dorothea Sakura - mother of Luna and stepmother of Mikan**_

_**David Sakura- father of Mikan**_

* * *

Natsume lifted Aoi from the wheelchair and laid her on bed, then pulled the blankets up snug beneath her chin.

"What's Aunt Mikan like, pa?"

It wasn't the first time shed asked that question, and his answer wasn't much different from the one's he'd given her before. "Don't know, Aoi. Last time I saw her, she was just a few years older that you. Still just a little girl. She used to hide in the storeroom just to read. She did love her books. I remember her telling me that she wanted to be a nurse when she grew up."

"Is she going to make my legs better?"

Natsume pushed Aoi's dark hair back from her face. It was difficult for him to answer around the lump of his throat. "I don't know." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Now you get some sleep."

"Can't I go with you tomorrow?"

"You know what Doc Jenkins said. You're not to go out in this cold weather. We don't need you takin' sick with pneumonia."

Aoi let out an exaggerated sigh.

He smiled tolerantly. "Save it, Aoi."

She flashed a grin of her own. "You always say it never hurts to try."

When she smiled like that, he could see a little of Luna in her. Aoi's hair was coal black and her eyes were umber with light flecks of gold around the darker irises – so different from Luna's burgundy-red hair and apple-green eyes – but she had her mother's perfect bone structure and ivory complexion. When Aoi grow up, she would be even more beautiful than Luna had ever thought of being.

"Get some sleep, Aoi." He whispered, bending to kiss her one more time. He snuffed the lamp, and then walked out of the child's bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar so he could hear if she needed him in the night.

He crossed the room that served as both the kitchen and parlor of the small farmhouse. Reaching the window, he glanced outside. The blanket of snow that covered the earth sparkled in the moonlight, giving everything a peaceful, serene look.

This hadn't been a peaceful place in the early years. Luna had hated the farm and their solitary life even more than she'd hated him for bringing her to it. The house had more often served as battleground than a home. More than once, Natsume had considered giving up and going back to Chicago. It was difficult enough for a man to deal with the hardships that went hand-in-hand with farming – too little rain, too much rain, too hot, too clod, insects, blight – without having to contend with so much disharmony when the work day was done.

_What's Aunt Mikan like, pa?_

He wondered, too. Would she be anything like Luna – self-centered, vain, always wanting more than what he could provide more than he could give? Would she be like his mother-in-law, convinced that Natsume was incapable of taking care of Aoi as he'd been incapable in making his wife happy? Had he make a mistake, writing to the Sakura's and asking for help?

Lord knew, it had been sheer desperation that drove him to write that letter, and he'd regretted mailing it many times. He's known he was taking a risk. His mother-in-law had insisted more than once that Aoi should be sent to live with her, so she could be raised "in Chicago, where she can meet people of quality and refinement." If Dorothea ever learned the truth, she just might be able to take Aoi from him, and that he couldn't bear.

But what had been left for him to do? Once spring came, he would be busy from dawn to dusk. He wouldn't be able to give his daughter the care she needed. He was only just managing to hold onto the farm as it was, and since Aoi's accident, what little money he'd put aside was gone. It was clear that Aoi needed a nurse, but he had no way to pay for one.

So he'd written to his in-laws and asked for help. It hadn't ever occurred to him that they would send Mikan to care for her niece rather than loaning him some money. He'd forgotten until he'd received David Sakura's reply that Mikan had once told him she wanted to be a nurse when she grew up.

His jaw tightened. The day she'd told him she wanted to be a nurse was a day he'd just soon forget…

Natsume rapped on the door. "You in there, Luna?"

"Come in."

he opened the door and stepped into her bedroom. She was standing beside her bed. She was wearing a dark green wrapper now instead of the yellow gingham dress she's had on earlier.

"It's that box on the top shelf," she said, pointing into the closet.

Natsume nodded, then crossed the room.

"Do you need a chair or a stool or anything?" Luna asked from behind him.

"No." It was easy enough to reach the box. And when he did, he found it wasn't all that heavy. Even Luna should have been able to lift it.

He turned, box in hand, and then froze in place.

The green wrapper was lying in the floor.

Luna stood before him – naked and pale and pink. His mouth went dry as he stared at perfection, from her firm, full breasts to a waist he could span with his hands, to the red curls at the apex of her thighs.

"Good Lord, Luna," he began, but the words were hardly more than a croak.

"Natsume, hold me. Please hold me." She moved toward him. "Don't you know how I feel about you? I've wanted you forever."

"Luna …"

She took the box from his hands and tossed it aside before pressing herself against him.

It was like a torch being set against dry kindling. Natsume was on fire with wanting. He forgot everything except the willing young woman in his arms. He kissed her with all the passion of an eighteen-year-old who had more lust than self-control and more zest than good sense.

Luna fell backward onto the bed, taking him with her. While her fingers pushed the suspenders off his shoulders, then worked to free his shirt from his trousers, he buried his face in her hair, breathing in the sweet fragrance of jasmine. (my favorite….hehehehe)

"Oh, Natsume… Natsume… Natsume…"

Her skin was so soft, so smooth. Her breast filled his hand. Her lips were moist and tasted of peppermint.

"Luna darling. Lun…" A shriek split the air.

Natsume stumbled off the bed. His body turned cold, warm blood replaced by something akin to ice water. He glanced from Luna's naked form to the horrified eyes of her mother, then back to Luna. The girl slowly drew the coverlet over her breasts, her cheeks blushing the moist delicate shade of pink.

"Oh, dear. Oh, good heavens. What have you done? What have you done to my daughter? You fiend. You filthy…" Dorothea choked on her own words. She glared at Natsume. "Get out of this room. Get out of my sight!"

"Mother, please." Luna swept her curly hair behind her shoulder. "Don't get hysterical."

"Don't get … don't get _hysterical?_" Dorothea sank quickly onto a ladder-back chair.

"Yes. I'm sure he means to do the right thing by me." She looked up. "Don't you Natsume? You wouldn't allow me to be disgraced in front of my family, would you?"

Natsume turned from the window and crossed to the cast iron stove. He plucked a thin cup off the shelf, then filled it from the blue-speckled pot. After simmering on the stove for the better part of the day, the coffee was strong and bitter. The taste seemed appropriate match for his memories.

He sat down at the table, his gaze focusing on the catalog, still open to the page Aoi had shown him earlier in the evening. He pulled the catalog toward him. _Dang,_ he wished he could get the angel for her. The little mite never asked for much for herself.

_How the dickens did Luna ever manage to give birth to such an unselfish child? _He wondered.

There was very little about Aoi that was like her mother, not in looks or in manner. He supposed she took after…

Natsume's finger tightened around the cup in his hand. Unbidden, unwelcome, another unpleasant memory pushed its way into his thoughts. He remembered every moment of the day of Aoi's birth – just six months after he'd married her mother. He remembered Luna's moaning and cursing. He remembered her yelling how much she hated him and the brat she'd carried in her womb for nine months. He remembered the harsh words she'd used to tell him how the baby's father had run off than marry her, and so she'd been forced to find another husband. Natsume had been the first fool she could find.

He rose abruptly from the chair, feeling the old anger welling up in his chest. He preferred not to think about Luna, but as sour as those years had been, he would have lived through them all over again to have Aoi. From the moment he'd first held her, the child had owned his heart. It hadn't matter to him then and it didn't matter to him now that he hadn't actually sired her. She was his daughter, and no one could tell him any different.

Dorothea Sakura might be sending Mikan to Idaho to try to take Aoi away, but it wasn't going to do her any good. Nobody could prove that Aoi wasn't rightfully his. They could make as much noise as they wanted, but it wasn't going to do them any good. He wouldn't let them take his daughter away.

He glanced down at the catalog as a wave of despair hit him. He loved that child more than life itself. He would give up everything if he could undo the accident, if he could make her whole and healthy again. And yet he couldn't give her the smallest of requests, not even for Christmas. All she wanted was a simple ornament for the top of the tree, and he couldn't give her that.

A taste more bitter than the coffee lay on his tongue as he turned toward his bedroom.


	4. My hello

I do not own gakuen... I owe this story from Robin Lee Hatccher and comp...

SUMMARY: A motherless little girl's wish for a Christmas angel comes true with the arrival of a beautiful stranger at her father's Idaho farm.

_**Aoi Hyuuga - daughter of Luna and known daughter of Natsume**_

_**Natsume Hyuuga - 29 yo,clerk at the store owned by the Sakura's 11 years back then**_

_**Dorothea Sakura - mother of Luna and stepmother of Mikan**_

_**David Sakura- father of Mikan**_

**_Mikan Sakura - 24 yo, nurse_**

* * *

Mikan freshened herself as best she could in the passenger car's water closet, but she saw little improvement in the chipped mirror.

Her wavy, pale hair was dull and badly in need of a good washing. Her brown orbs had dark circles, evidence of her sleeplessness. Her gray shirt waist was wrinkled and travel-stained. She looked like a woman who had been on a train for too many hours – which was exactly what she was.

She drew herself up straight and shot a determined glance at her reflection. _See here, Mikan Sakura, _she scolded herself silently,_ it doesn't matter in the least what you look like. You're here to comfort an injured child. And that's _all _that matters._

With her head held as high as she could get it, she opened the door and returned to her seat. She managed to maintain her prim, resolute posture until the conductor came through the car.

"Nampa station, next stop."

Her heart jumped into her throat. Her hands tightened in her lap. She felt the blood draining from her face, and she knew she must be as pale as a ghost. She forced herself to take several deep, steadying breaths. It wouldn't do for her to pass out from lack of oxygen at this precise moment.

Once again she mentally berated herself as she reached for her thick woolen cloak, not realizing until then how cold she become without it on. She'd remove it before going to the water closet and had forgotten it upon her return. A fine thing it would be if she became ill because of her carelessness. Imagine coming all this way only to force Natsume to take care of her.

Imagining it was just what she did, and she felt a blush stain her cheeks at the picture it brought to mind.

With a screech of iron wheels against iron tracks, the Oregon Short Line pulled into the Nampa station. As soon as the train came to a complete stop, Mikan picked up her traveling case and her reticule, then rose from her seat. She drew in one more deep breath as she turned toward the exit at the rear of the car, and with a stomach full of battling alley cats, she walked down the aisle.

Natsume waited with his back against the train depot's wall. A bitter December wind whipped small eddies of snow across the platform, stinging any exposed flesh it could find. From beneath the brim of his weathered felt hat, he watched the passengers disembark.

It wasn't as hard to find Mikan as he'd feared it would be. Only three people got off the train, an older couple and a young woman. Clearly, the young woman had to be Mikan.

But when he stepped forward and she turned to look at him, he knew that he couldn't have missed her even if there'd been a hundred other people around her. Mikan Sakura had scarcely changed from the girl he remembered sitting on a pickle barrel, her blond hair in braids, a book in her lap. She still had the same large brown eyes and a familiar, almost waiflike expression on her delicate face.

She smiled a little uncertainty. "Hello, Natsume."

"Hn. Look at you. I think I was looking for a kid in pigtails, but you've grown up."

"that's what happens to a girl in eleven years." She glanced past his shoulder, then met his gaze again. "You came alone?"

"Aoi's not supposed to be out in the cold.

She shook her head. "Of course not."

He stepped closer, reaching to take her traveling case. It was large and heavy, and he wondered how she'd manage to carry it. Although she was tall for a woman, he figured she couldn't weigh more than a hundred and ten pounds. A strong gust of wind could have blown her away.

"Come on. Lets get you out of this weather." He took her arm and guided her toward the flatbed wagon sitting on runners.

He tossed her case into the back of the sleigh, then helped her onto the wagon seat. He hopped up beside her and handed her a lap robe.

"Tuck it around you good. We've got a ways to go, and it looks like we could get more snow before we get home."

They started off to the jingle of the bells and the rattle of harness.

Natsume had also changed in the past eleven years, and yet he was very much the same man she remembered. He was trim, although she had the feeling his arms, torso, and legs were well muscled beneath the thick layer of warm clothing. His face wasn't as smooth as it had been when he was eighteen. There were lines around his eyes and mouth and a few between his thick eyebrows that hadn't been there before. But his eyes were still the same intense shade as crimson. She wondered if he had the same crooked smile that had always made her feel so silly inside. She hoped so.

Mikan clenched her hands together in her lap beneath the blanket, her stomach acting crazy at just the thought of his smile. Afraid he might guess what she was thinking and feeling, she spoke quickly, saying the first thing that came to mind. "It's been a long time since I saw you, Natsume."

"Yes."

She could see the shadow of his beard beneath his skin. It was strangely appealing. She wanted to reach out and touch his cheeks to see what the stubble felt like.

Her thoughts made her blush. Whatever had made her think such a thing? Nothing even remotely close to it had occurred to her when she'd been with Ruka.

Mikan felt the awkward silence stretching between them, and she wondered if he'd guessed what she'd been thinking, then mentally scolded herself for her foolishness. Of course he didn't know her thoughts.

And there was no reason for either of them to feel awkward, she told herself. No reason at all. They'd been friends once. He'd teased and laughed with her and even shared a few of his dreams. They could be friends again. It would just take some effort.

She decided to make the first move. "Was the farm everything you'd hoped it would be?"

He glanced at her.

"I remember how much you wanted to come west and have a place of your own," she said in a whisper. "I just wondered if it turned out to be as wonderful as you'd imagined."

He nodded, then turned back toward the road.

"It hasn't been easy."

_I can tell._

"I guess it never will be," he continued. "That's the nature of farmin'. Its hard work, especially when a man's got no one to depend on but himself."

Mikan looked away from him, her gaze set on the snow-covered countryside, dotted here and there with farmhouses and silos, barns and wooden fences. "I'm sorry about…Luna."

When several minutes passed without a reply, she turned her head back in his direction. He was staring straight ahead, his mouth set in a tight line, his entire body warning that she was, treading a forbidden ground. It had been over three years since Natsume had written to Luna's parents to inform of her death, and yet it was clear from his attitude that time had done nothing to heal the wounds of his loss.

_He must still love her very much, even after all this time._

She found the thought painful, too painful to dwell on in silence. "Tell me about Aoi. What sort of little girl is she?"

The right side of his mouth curved upward. "The best."

Mikan relaxed. "That's a father talking. Now tell me what she's really like."

He turned toward her, and she could see that his smile was unchanged. The left corner of his mouth still didn't turn up as far as the right. His crimson eyes seemed to sparkle with a brightness from inside. "She's the best. You'll see."

She should have pressed him for information. She should have asked about the accident. She should have made him tell her everything the doctor had ever said or done for his patient. She should have behaved like the trained nurse she was. That was why she'd come out from Chicago, to take care of Aoi, to try to make her well and whole again.

But she couldn't bear to take the smile away from him quite so soon. She wanted to enjoy it just a little longer.

So she smiled back at him and allowed them to continue on in a more comfortable silence.


	5. paranoid

I do not own gakuen... I owe this story from Robin Lee Hatcher and comp...

SUMMARY: A motherless little girl's wish for a Christmas angel comes true with the arrival of a beautiful stranger at her father's Idaho farm.

_**Aoi Hyuuga - daughter of Luna and known daughter of Natsume**_

_**Natsume Hyuuga - 29 yo,clerk at the store owned by the Sakura's 11 years back then**_

_**Dorothea Sakura - mother of Luna and stepmother of Mikan**_

_**David Sakura- father of Mikan**_

**_Mikan Sakura - 24 yo, nurse_**

* * *

The white clapboard house was set back from the road a quarter mile. It was small and, if not for the bright green shutters that framed the windows, would have been difficult to see against the snowy fields, barren now in the midst of winter. There was an unpainted outhouse about fifty feet off to the right. To the left was a barn, a hen house, and a corral for the horses.

Several large trees surrounded the house. Their limbs were bear now, but come spring, Mikan knew that their leafy arms would provide plenty of cooling shade. Behind the barn she could see an orchard, the fruit trees planted in neat rows.

"Apples," Natsume said, seeing where her gaze had traveled. "We make a mean cider."

"You truly do love it here, don't you?"

"That I do."

With sudden insight, Mikan realized how it must have galled him to write to the Sakura's to ask for financial help. He was a proud man who had worked hard to get what he wanted. If not for Aoi's accident, the Sakura's – and Mikan through them – might never have heard from him again, even though Aoi dutifully wrote to her grandmother several times a year.

Mikan couldn't blame Natsume for his unwillingness to contact his in-laws. Luna's mother had never tried to hide what she thought of Natsume Hyuuga. Of course, Mikan secretly believed that Dorothea's periodic letters to Natsume – demanding he send the child to live with them in Chicago – were more to pester and torment the man who had taken her daughter away than because she had actually wanted to raise her granddaughter.

Natsume drew the sleigh to a halt close to the front door, ending her musings as the bells on the harness fell silent. One of the horses snorted bobbed his hear, then turned to look at the occupants in the wagon.

"Let's get you inside, Polka, so I can unhitch the team before it starts to snow."

She glanced up and saw that the heavens had turned lead gray, the clouds thick and slung low to the earth. Somehow they looked different from the clouds that blew in over Chicago. She knew they weren't, but they seemed that way.

"Polka…"

She turned her head and found Natsume standing beside the wagon. _"Still the same Natsume whom I knew way back then… the use of nicknames… hmnn… I seemed to don't mind though…I really missed it… I really liked it… what am I talking about… STUPID…STUPID…" _She stood up. Before she knew what he was doing, he'd placed his hands around her waist and lifted her to the ground. She felt heat, more heat rushing to her cheeks, but he didn't seem to notice as he released her and reached into the wagon bed to retrieve her traveling case.

"Follow me," he said.

She did so, on unsteady legs.

Mikan's eyes found Aoi the instant she stepped inside the house. It would have been hard to miss the girl since she'd positioned her wheelchair only a few feet from the door, barely leaving room for her father and Mikan to get inside.

While Natsume helped her out of her cloak, the nurse and her patient studied each other.

The little girl wasn't anything like what Mikan had pictured in her mind. She had envisioned a miniature version of Luna she remembered, but instead, she saw a dark crimson eyed, black haired pixie who resembled neither Natsume nor her mother.

Suddenly Aoi's face screwed up, as if in deep thought. "You don't look like what I expected. I thought you'd have red hair like my mother had."

"I always wanted hair like hers," Mikan answered truthfully. "I thought it was lovely."

The little girl's mouth pursed as she tilted her head to one side before saying, "No. I think yours is pretty just like it is. It makes you look like an angel. Don't you think so, Pa?"

"What?"

"Don't you think Aunt Mikan's hair makes her look like an angel? The one in the catalog?"

Mikan turned toward him, feeling self-conscious as he looked her over with the same studiousness as his daughter had moment before.

"I think you're right, pet. She does look like the angel. Very pretty." Natsume glanced at Aoi. "You two get acquainted while I put the team in the barn. We've got a heck of snow blowin' in from the west."

It was crazy how his words affected her.

He thought she was pretty, Mikan Sakura, pretty. She with her plain, wavy, pale auburn hair – hair she'd always hated because she'd thought Natsume preferred unruly red curl. But Natsume thought she was pretty.

As he turned toward the door, he winked at her, then disappeared out into the gathering storm.

It was _beyond_ crazy how his wink affected her.

She felt rooted to the spot, and at the same time, she felt as though she was falling from a great height, falling so fast her breath was swept clean away.

"Aunt Mikan?"

"What?" Snapped back from her paralyzed state, she spun around. She knew her cheeks had to be the color of ripe apples.

"You okay?"

She was surprised that she was able to think up an excuse for her odd behavior. "I …I'm afraid I've been on a train for so long, I can't seem to think straight. Perhaps you could show me to my room, Aoi. We can talk while I get settled in."

"Sure. This way."

Mikan noticed that all the furniture in the house had been pushed against the walls, leaving plenty of open space for Aoi to get around in her wheelchair.

"This is really Pa's room, but he's going to sleep in the loft while you're with us." Aoi pushed open the door and rolled her chair through the opening.

Mikan allowed her gaze to move slowly over the room. It was sparsely furnished, like the rest of the house. There were no feminine touches that said a woman had ever stayed in this room. Not even any photographs of Luna on the chiffonier.

_He must miss her terribly._

She felt a hollow ache inside and wished there were some way she could help him. She knew what it was like to remember someone, to long to see them years after they had gone away.

Her gaze stopped on the bed. Natsume's bed. She would be sleeping in his bed while she was here. The realization made her heart race.

"I should be the one staying in the loft," she said quickly, turning her back to the bed.

"Pa wouldn't hear it. There's no point in arguin' with him."

What was wrong with her? She'd come to Idaho to take care of Aoi, to use her nursing skills to help a member of her own family, but instead, she was acting as if she had less common sense than her ten-year-old patient. It had to be because she was tired and, perhaps, a little overwrought. After all, she'd been nervous about seeing Natsume again, nervous about meeting her niece, nervous about leaving Chicago and everything that was familiar. It was only natural that her emotions would be a bit unpredictable.

She took a deep breath. "Perhaps we could set up a cot for me in your room," she suggested.

The girl shook her head. "There's no room for a cot in there. It's too tiny." Her smile was totally disarming. "You might just as well quit tryin', 'cause Pa will tell you this is where you're gonna stay. Pa can be mighty stubborn when he has to be."

Mikan nodded in defeat. Besides what could it hurt? Once she had a good night's sleep, she would see how silly she was being about everything. Once she's caught up on her rest, she would quit thinking about and reacting to Natsume as if she were still thirteen. That's all she needed. Just a bit of sleep. Then she would be herself again.

"Well, then, I suppose I might as well unpack. Will you help me, Aoi?"

Natsume walked back to the house, wind-blown snow stinging his cheeks. He shrugs his coat up closer to his ears. If the past couple of weeks were any indication, it was going to be a long, cold winter. At least he had enough hay and grain to get his livestock through until spring. With luck and a bit of credit at the general store in town, he ought to be able to keep the three humans on the place fed as well.

Strange, the distrust and animosity he'd been harboring toward Mikan Sakura didn't seem as strong now as it had been before she'd gotten off the train and turned to look at him with her large, brown eyes. I fact, he doubted there was any basis for those feelings at all. The moment he'd seen her, he'd been reminded of the times she'd sat and talked to him as he worked in the back of Sakura Mercantile. She hadn't been anything like Luna or Dorothea back then. There was no reason to believe she might be so now. It seemed she had come to Idaho to help Aoi get well, and he should be grateful for her assistance.

When he opened the door, he saw her sitting at the table, Aoi's chair pulled close. The tops of their heads – darkest ebony and palest auburn – were nearly touching as they leaned toward each other. Mikan was holding the mail order catalog in her lap while Aoi pointed at items on the pages. Te two of them looked up in unison, both smiling, traces of laughter lingering in their eyes.

Natsume suddenly felt like the outsider, and he didn't care for the feeling. In a flash, his distrust returned.

Aoi was _his_ daughter, and no woman was going to come into his home and try to take her away from him. If that's what motivated Mikan Sakura to come to Idaho, she'd better just pack up that carpetbag of hers and head back to Chicago right now.


	6. Charred!

I do not own gakuen... I owe this story from Robin Lee Hatcher and comp...

SUMMARY: A motherless little girl's wish for a Christmas angel comes true with the arrival of a beautiful stranger at her father's Idaho farm.

_**Aoi Hyuuga - daughter of Luna and known daughter of Natsume**_

_**Natsume Hyuuga - 29 yo,clerk at the store owned by the Sakura's 11 years back then**_

_**Dorothea Sakura - mother of Luna and stepmother of Mikan**_

_**David Sakura- father of Mikan**_

**_Mikan Sakura - 24 yo, nurse_**

* * *

Mikan awakened slowly. The first thing she noticed was the utter silence. It left her disoriented, unsure of her whereabouts. She half expected to feel the train start up again, to hear the constant chug-a-chug, to smell the smoke spewing from the engine's smokestack. But there was only silence.

Then she remembered. She'd arrived in Idaho yesterday afternoon. She was on Natsume's farm. In fact, she was sleeping in Natsume's bed.

Feeling rather reckless and a tad sinful, she nestled down further beneath the heavy quilt and blankets. She pressed her face against the pillow and breathed deeply. Her mid toyed with the idea of what it would be like to roll over and find Natsume beside her, what is would be like if he should kiss her, if he should…

She felt her cheeks grow warm. She might still be a virgin at twenty-four, but she was also a nurse. She'd studied all about the human reproductive system. She knew very well what it was a man and woman did in privacy of their bedroom. Never once in the years she'd been seeing Ruka had she imagined what it might be like to share such intimacies with him. Yet, only a few hours with Natsume, and she was imagining it much too vividly for her own good.

Why did she react to him as if she were still thirteen? She wondered. She should have put her childish infatuation behind her by now. She was a grown woman, educated, a woman with a vocation. This wasn't like her, allowing such flights of fantasy.

She thought of the moment yesterday when Natsume had returned from the barn. Snow had dusted his thick, raven hair and the shoulders of his wool coat. His nose and chin had been red from the cold. Mikan had glanced up from the catalog Aoi had been showing her, and for just a moment, she'd felt that she belonged, that this was her family.

The feeling hadn't lasted long. Natsume's attitude toward her throughout the reminder of the evening could best be described as cool. At worst, it had seemed a bit hostile. It hadn't been hard for her to guess what had brought on his ill temper. Seeing her had reminded him of the wife he'd lost, and he'd taken out his pain on her. Mikan had done her best not to show her own hurt.

If only she'd been a fiery beauty like Luna, maybe this _could_ have been her family; she thought as she rolled onto her side and hugged a pillow against her chest. Maybe then Natsume would have liked her enough to wait a few years. But she wasn't anything like her stepsister had been, not in looks or temperament or actions. It had been Luna who had come to west with Natsume to build his dream, Luna who had given birth to his daughter.

The pain she felt in her heart was all out proportion to what she should have felt after so many years. She reminded herself again that she wasn't thirteen, but it didn't do her any good. It was almost as is she still loved him, just as she had before he went away. But, of course, that wasn't possible. She couldn't still live a man she hadn't seen in eleven years. Besides, her feelings had been those of a child.

It simply wasn't possible that she loved him.

Was it?

Mikan tossed the covers aside, ignoring the chilled air of the room as she rose from the bed and padded on bare feet over the window. She pushed aside the curtains to reveal a wonderland of white.

Long icicles hung from the eaves of the house. Snow lay in deep drifts against the sides of the buildings, and tree limbs dripped low beneath the weight of the wintry blanket. Clear of storm clouds, the morning sky was the color of pewter in this predawn hour.

She shivered, hugging herself as she turned from the window. Her glance fell on the bed, and she was tempted to scurry back into its waiting warmth. But she didn't want Natsume to think she was a slugabed. She didn't want…

She drew her thoughts up short.

_Listen to me, Mikan Sakura. You will not persist in these silly fantasies. You will concentrate on Aoi. She is the sole reason you are here. Natsume Hyuuga is merely an old friend. He is your niece's father and no more. Now, get dressed and go see to your patient. _

She had to break a thin coating of ice in the pitcher in order to pour water into the bowl on her dressing table. She performed only a perfunctory washing. To help control her chattering teeth, she tried to set her mind on something other than the frigid temperature.

Her thoughts returned once again to the previous evening, but this time they centered on her patient. At times, Aoi had seemed far older than her ten years. She was unquestionably bright, and there was no doubting her love for her father. The two were closer than any father and daughter Mikan had ever known. Certainly, far closer than Mikan was with David Sakura, though she loved her father very much.

Perhaps Natsume and Aoi were _too_ close. She thought about how he had fussed over the chill all evening. There was hardly any reason for Aoi to have a wheelchair, from what Mikan had seen so far. The girl hadn't been given many chances to use it last night. Her father had been forever jumping up to get her this or bring her that. When Aoi's bedtime had come, Natsume had lifted her up and carried her to her room.

Mikan frowned as she had donned her brown serge dress. It seemed she has more to do here than merely tend to the physical needs of her patient. Natsume needed her, too.

She felt all fluttery inside at the thought of Natsume needing her. She imagined him standing before her, looking down at her with his magnificent crimson eyes. She could almost feel his hands closing around her arms. She could almost hear his voice as he spoke to her, telling her what he needed. She could almost…

A croak of frustration forced itself from her lips. She grabbed her hairbrush from the top of the bureau and furiously brushed her hair, intentionally slapping the bristles against her head, as if hoping to knock some sense into it before it was too late.

Aoi. She was here for Aoi.

Natusme shoved more wood into the stove, then clamped the iron door shut as crackling sounds from the fire filled the kitchen. With movements guided by habit rather than conscious thought, he measured coffee grounds into the blue-speckled pot filled with water and set it on the stove, then headed for his coat and hat which were hanging on pegs near the front door.

He had just slipped into his sheepskin-lined jacket when the door to his bedroom opened. He glanced up, momentarily surprised to see Mikan standing there.

"Good morning," she said softly.

It had been many years since he'd heard a woman's voice in the morning. And he couldn't recall Luna ever wishing him a good morning. Not once in all the years they were married.

"Mornin'."

"We certainly had a lot of new snow during the night."

"Sure did."

She tugged on the fitted sleeves of her dress.

"We're lucky I arrived when I did."

He grunted something which is close to agreement, then turned away. "I've got to tend to the livestock." He pushed open the door and stepped out into the sub-zero temperature of the dawn.

_We're lucky I arrived when I did._

Lucky? He wasn't so sure. Aoi had taken to Mikan so quickly, as if they'd known each other all her life. It made him wonder if she'd missed having a woman around the place. She'd only been six when she lost her mother, but he'd thought they'd gotten well enough. He'd never consider that Aoi might miss Luna, a woman who had shown her so little affection in her short life.

_We're lucky when I arrived when I did._

Lucky? No, he didn't think he was lucky to have her there. He'd seen her surprised look on her face when she'd seen Aoi. She had to be wondering about the child's black hair and brown eyes. She had to be comparing Aoi's coloring with Luna's. She had to be looking at him and wondering.

_We're lucky I arrived when I did._

Lucky? No, it would be better if she'd never come. Once she went back to Chicago and told Dorothea…

He jammed his hands into the pockets of his coat as he plodded through the high drifts of snow on his way to the barn.

He knew it was wrong to suspect the worst of her. Mikan could very well be there just to help Aoi get well. And wasn't that more important to him than anything else? Would he risk his daughter's health just to keep her to himself? Hell, no, he wouldn't. he would do whatever he had to do, risk whatever he had to risk, if it meant Aoi would have what she needed.

He thought of Mikan's tentative smile as she'd greeted him thins morning. There was sweetness there, a goodness that he couldn't argue against. Somehow, even now, it touched his heart, and he began to hope she was all she appeared to be.

"Tell me about yourself, Aoi." Mikan turned the sizzling bacon in the frying pan, then glanced over her shoulder.

Aoi shrugged. "Like what?"

"Like what you like to de when you're not in school or helping your father with the chores."

"Oh, that's easy. In the summer, I liked to ride Panda over to Miller's Pond and go swimming. Panda's my pony. Would you like to see her? Maybe later Pa'll take you out to the barn and show her to you."

"I'd like that. Tell me more about what you like to do."

"Pa and I used to go skating on the pond in winter when it froze over."

It wasn't lost on Mikan, the way Aoi spoke in the past tense. She wanted to change that. She wanted to be able to tell the little girl that one day she would gallop her pony across her father's fields. She wanted to say that she and her pa could go skating again. But, of course, she couldn't say any such thing. Not until she'd talked to the doctor and had a few more facts.

"I like to read, too. Pa's always liked me to read aloud to him at night before going to be. Mr. Miller – he's our closest neighbor – he has a big library full of books, and he lets me take as many as I want as long as I promise to take care of them."

"Sounds like me when I was a girl. I used to hide in the storeroom at my father's store so no one could find me and put me to work. I'd snitch an apple from the bin and climb up on the shelves and read for hours." Mikan walked over to the table and sat down in a chair across from Aoi. She reached out, taking hold of the girl's hand. "You know why I've come, don't you?"

"Sure. To take care of me while Pa runs the farm."

"Well… yes, that's true. But you don't want people taking care of you the rest of your life as if you were a baby, do you? You'd like to be able to do things for yourself. You'd like to be able to dress yourself and fix your own meals. And if you could, you'd like to go swimming in the pond again and ride your pony, wouldn't you?"

Aoi nodded.

"Of course you would. But that's going to take lots of hard work. Are you willing to work hard?"

She nodded again.

"You know I can't promise you'll be able to walk again. From what your father said in his letter, the doctor can't be sure if the damage to your legs is permanent." Mikan leaned forward, her expression serious. "But were going to do our very best. Its not going to be easy. Sometimes it's going to be very difficult, probably painful."

"I'll work hard, Aunt Mikan. Really I will."

"Good." She rose from her chair. "We'll get started right after breakfast. _Breakfast!_ Oh dear!"

Mikan rushed back to the stove. The bacon was charred to a crisp. She choked on the thick smoke that rose from the frying pan.

"It's ruined," she cried as she grabbed a towel to wrap around the handle before pulling the pan from the stove top. "It's all ruined."

She felt ridiculously like weeping. She'd wanted to do something to help Natsume on her first day, here and she'd ended up burning his breakfast.

Aoi rolled her chair forward. "Don't worry, Aunt Mikan. Pa and I are used in burned bacon. It's how we always have it. We liked it that way. Honest, we do."

"Really?" the word came out in a squeak.

Despite her efforts, two large tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Aoi's telling the truth, Polka. We've always been partial to burnt bacon."

She spun toward the door, only now feeling the cool draft air that entered the house with him. She quickly dashed away the renegade tears with the back of her hands.

Natsume gave her one of his crooked smiles. "You'd be surprised what we've learned to like to eat. Wouldn't she, pet?" he asked, glancing at his daughter.

Aoi giggled. "Neither one of us is much of a cook," she whispered in a conspiratorial tone to Mikan. "But Pa says we haven't either one of us starved yet because of it, so we must be doin' all right."

She did feel better. It was, after all, just a few strips of bacon. She wouldn't even remember it by this time tomorrow. At least, not if Natsume kept looking at her the way he was now.


	7. Attractive

I do not own gakuen... I owe this story from Robin Lee Hatcher and comp...

SUMMARY: A motherless little girl's wish for a Christmas angel comes true with the arrival of a beautiful stranger at her father's Idaho farm.

_**Aoi Hyuuga - daughter of Luna and known daughter of Natsume**_

_**Natsume Hyuuga - 29 yo,clerk at the store owned by the Sakura's 11 years back then**_

_**Dorothea Sakura - mother of Luna and stepmother of Mikan**_

_**David Sakura- father of Mikan**_

**_Mikan Sakura - 24 yo, nurse_**

* * *

She really did have beautiful eyes. He remembered the way she had watch him as he worked in the back room of the mercantile, her eyes following his every move. Come to think of it, Mikan had always been around when he was working, asking him questions, sharing her secret thoughts, sometimes making him laugh. She'd made him feel as if he belonged – not a common feeling for an orphan boy who couldn't remember his own family.

Funny. He'd forgotten that until just now.

After hanging his coat on the peg, Natsume crossed the room and sat down.

"Aoi, will you carry this to the table, please?" Mikan held out a plate pilled high with scrambled eggs.

He started to rise from the table. "Here. Let me…"

The look on Mikan shot him stopped him in mid-sentence. "Aoi can do it," she said with gentle firmness. She set the plate in the girls lap, making sure that it was level and secure.

Aoi turned her chair around and wheeled it toward her father. She grinned as she set the plate on the table without spilling a single morsel. "Can I help with anything else, Aunt Mikan?"

"Not right now. I think we've got everything." Mikan carried the charred bacon on a plate in one hand and a pitcher of milk in the other as she stepped forward. She set them in the center of the table, then pulled out her chair and sat down across from Natsume.

Their gazes met briefly, and he thought again how beautiful her eyes were. And it wasn't just her eyes. She had a pretty face, too. Why hadn't he noticed before?

He'd be better off not to notice, he thought grimly. The last time his head had been turned by a woman, he'd found more grief than pleasure. He didn't need any further complications in his life. He had enough as it was.

Mikan folded her hands in her lap and bowed her head. After a few moments passed, she glanced up at him with a questioning gaze.

Quickly, he closed his eyes and said, "For this food, Heavenly Father, we are truly thankful. Amen."

When he opened his eyes again, he found her smiling at him. An unfamiliar warmth spread through his chest. There was something very right about this moment, the three of them sitting at table, the stove belching heat into the tiny house.

His mouth flattened as his gaze dropped to the food. He wasn't about to be fooled by a pair of beguiling eyes and a sweet smile again. Mikan might not have come to Idaho to try and take Aoi away from him, but she was still a woman and a Sakura. He'd be down that road once before, and he'd learned his lessons well.

"I promised Aunt Mikan you'd take her out and introduce her to Panda," Aoi said, reaching to fill her plate with eggs.

Natsume glanced across the table. Mikan offered him some sliced bread. "Thanks," he said, taking hold of the plate.

"Will you show her Panda, Pa?"

"Sure, but it'll have to be later. I've got things to do."

"You aren't going to town by any chance?" Mikan asked.

He raised his eyebrows as he looked at her. "Why?"

"Well, there are a few things I need."

"Why didn't you say something yesterday?" He couldn't disguise the note of irritation in his voice. Her statement seemed to confirm his earlier suspicions. She _was_ like Luna in some ways. She hadn't given any thought to the weather or the horses or the time it took to go to town. She was thinking only of herself.

Her reply was soft and gentle pleading. "I didn't know I needed anything then."

"It's not like you're in Chicago anymore. You can't just run down the corner market in a matter of minutes."

"I know that."

Something about her meek reply drew his gaze to her. He was reminded of the time she'd asked him to help her build a bird house to hang in the tree outside her bedroom window. She'd wanted a place for the birds to be safe from the tomcats that roamed the alleys. Natsume remembered her huge eyes as she'd looked at him, asking the favor. He hadn't had the heart to say no. They'd spent every evening for two weeks working on that thing, and as he recalled now, he'd enjoyed every minute of it. She'd been a sweet-natured, quiet kid with a good heart. She never could stand to see anything or anyone hurt.

"It really is important, Natsume, or I wouldn't ask. If you could hitch up the horses to the sleigh, I'm sure I could manage to get to town on my own. I don't mean to put you out."

Dad blasts the woman anyway! Now she was making _him _feel guilty. As if _he_ were the one who was being unreasonable.

Natsume shoved his chair back from the table. "Well, if it's important, I guess we might be able to go in this afternoon. But only if the weather holds."

"Thank you."

"Sure." He headed for his coat. It wasn't that he was eager to go back out in the cold, but he thought he was a lot better off out there than in here.

"I don't know what's got into him," Aoi muttered as she starred at the closed door.

"I'm afraid it's my fault." Mikan got up from the table and started to clear away the breakfast dishes. "I guess I can't blame him."

Aoi watched her aunt moving back and forth, from table to sink and back again. Eventually, she began to smile, feeling immensely pleased with herself. Pa always did say she saw too much for her own good, but it seemed to her that any fool could have seen what was wrong with him.

Her father had changed since the day of her accident. He was often sad and anxious. He worried about her all the time, and she knew he worried about money a lot, too. But he'd never acted like this before. Grumpy, irritable for no reason, almost rude. No, this wasn't like her beloved pa at all.

But now she knew why. He _liked_ Aunt Mikan. He liked her a lot.

A frown replaced her smile. She wondered if Pa was grumpy because he was remembering her mother.

Aoi didn't remember a whole lot about Luna. She'd been six the last time she'd seen her, and three years had faded her memories. Mostly, she remembered her mother's red hair and dark eyes. She also remembered the voices raised in anger coming from behind her parents bedroom door, and she remembered feeling that her ma didn't like her much.

Aoi always felt a bit guilty for not missing her mother more, but she knew, deep in her heart, that she and her pa were much happier on their own than they'd been when Luna was with them. She supposed that was a sinful thought, but she couldn't help herself. She _liked_ it being just her and Pa. She'd always figured that things would go on the same, just the two of them taking care of the farm and themselves. Things probably _would _have stayed the same if she hadn't tripped and fallen out the hayloft door.

But she had to admit she liked having Aunt Mikan with them. She hadn't been too sure that she would. She'd been afraid Aunt Mikan would be an angry woman who yelled a lot – just like Aoi's mother. Besides her auburn hair and her big cute brown eyes, Aunt Mikan had a soft, friendly voice and a pretty smile. She didn't scold Aoi all the time or argue with Pa a lot. She was nice, and Aoi liked her.

_I wish she could stay with us._

That's what was wrong with Pa. he liked her Aunt Mikan, too, but he thought he didn't want her around. Folks were always saying, "Natsume, you ought to get married again. A man needs a wife." And Pa was always answering, "I get on just fine the way things are. Aoi's the only female I want around the place."

Aoi had always agreed with him. Until now.

Natsume's anger was nearly hot enough to keep Mikan warm as she sat beside him in the sleigh. Several times she considered telling him why she needed to go to town, but she forced herself to remain silent. After all, half the fun of the season was being surprised on Christmas morning.

She knew time was running out. If she didn't order the angel now, it would never arrive in time. And while she waited for it, she could be working on her other gifts. She was going to do her very best to make this a special Christmas for both Natsume and Aoi.

She sent a covert glance in Natsume's direction. His coat collar was pulled up close to his ears, his shoulders hunched against the cold, but she could still see his handsome profile. He'd always been handsome, but the past years had added a maturity to his looks that made him even more pleasing to the eye.

She felt a warm tingle in her stomach and thought how nice it would be to draw close to him, to slip her arm through his and snuggle up against his side. She flushed, embarrassed by her thoughts, thankful that her cheeks were already pink from the cold. At least there was no chance he would guess what she'd been thinking.

"I do appreciate you taking me to town again, Natsume," she said, hoping to create a diversion from her own disturbing reflections.

"Sure."

It wasn't a very encouraging reply, but it was better than silence. She tried again. "I promise not to ask you to make a special trip again."

"Good."

Perhaps she should talk about something else. Aoi seemed the best of topics. "You know, Natsume, you've been coddling Aoi too much. She's capable of doing a lot of things by herself. She –"

"She came darn close to dyin' when she fell out of that barn." His eyes drew down in a scowl.

"But she didn't die, " Mikan retorted, her own temper rising, "and you need to start letting her live again."

"I suppose _you_ know what's best for her?"

"I know you need to let her do whatever she can. It won't hurt to fail a time or two. She doesn't need you to wait on her hand and foot. She's a very bright and ingenious girl. She might have to do things a little different than those who have two strong legs, but she'll figure out a way if we just let her."

He turned his head so he could look her straight in the eyes. "I know my daughter better then you, Miss Sakura. You can't tell me anything I don't already know. I'm going to take care of her as I see fit, and I won't stand in your interference."

"Interference?" She drew away from him, her back as straight as a lightning rod. "Is that what you call it when someone travels halfway across the country to help?"

Natsume pulled on the reins, drawing the sleigh tom a halt. "Is that why you came, polka?" His gaze was harsh and suspicious.

Her anger cooled as she starred back at him, unsure to answer, unsure of what the truth was. She'd thought she'd only come to help out her stepsister's widower, but now that she was here, she wasn't so sure of her motives were all that pure. Perhaps, just perhaps she'd come because she wanted to see him again. Perhaps she'd never forgotten her girlish crush. Perhaps she'd been hoping …

The urge to lean forward and press her mouth against his was almost overwhelming. Rather then make a fool of herself, she turned away, facing forward, her hands clenched in her lap.

Maddeningly, her voice quivered when she softly replied, "You know very well why I'm here, Natsume Hyuuga. Aoi needs a nurse and I am one. How could I not come and take care for my own niece?"

He found the stubborn tilt chin charming. He also found her mouth nicely shaped, soft and supple looking. The golden brown lashes that fringed her dark brown eyes were long, curling up toward her brows. Even her shell-like ears were attractive.

Had she always been so obstinate? He wondered. Yes, come to think of it, she had. She'd also been sweet and giving. And whenever she'd fought tears, as he suspected she was doing at this very moment, he'd found it hard to resist giving in to her wishes.

But there was more to Mikan now than the child he remembered. She was a woman. A damned attractive woman …

Natsume turned his attention onto the snow-covered road before him. He clicked to the horses as he slapped the reins against the animals backs, "Giddup there," he called to them.

The sleigh slipped across the white surface with only the faintest of sounds. Natsume almost wished he'd put the Christmas bells onto the harness again today, just for a bit of noise. The silence made it too easy for him to think about things… to think about Mikan and her attractively stubborn chin and her supple lips and her cute ears and her long lashes around hear-stealing eyes.

He gritted his teeth, angered by his reflections. He'd thought he'd learned a few things in the past eleven years. He'd thought he'd learned how to curb such desires, to resist such delightful temptations.

He'd be damned if Mikan Sakura was going to make him forget what Luna had taught him. The lessons had been too cruel to want to learn them over again.


	8. revelations

I do not own gakuen... I owe this story from Robin Lee Hatcher and comp...

SUMMARY: A motherless little girl's wish for a Christmas angel comes true with the arrival of a beautiful stranger at her father's Idaho farm.

_**Aoi Hyuuga - daughter of Luna and known daughter of Natsume**_

_**Natsume Hyuuga - 29 yo,clerk at the store owned by the Sakura's 11 years back then**_

_**Dorothea Sakura - mother of Luna and stepmother of Mikan**_

_**David Sakura- father of Mikan**_

**_Mikan Sakura - 24 yo, nurse_**

* * *

By the end of her second week on the Hyuuga farm, Mikan knew she never wanted to leave. The house was small, but it had an inviting, homey feeling. It was tight against chilly grafts, and although the rooms grew frigid during the night when the fire died down, they warmed quickly in the morning. As far as Mikan was concerned, it was a perfect house in every way – and so were the people in it.

Natsume spent long hours seeing to the daily chores. He made many repairs to the barn and the house, the ring of his hammer often sounding for hours on end. He mended harness and sharpened farm implements. He tended the animals and chopped wood for the stove. Even in the dead of the winter, it was clear there was little rest for a farmer.

Aoi was equally industrious. She was a bright and inquisitive child, and she worked hard on her school work, which her teacher brought by once a week so she wouldn't fall behind the other students in her class. She was a good patient, too. Even when the physical exercises that Mikan taught her were painful, she didn't complain or try to quit.

It hadn't taken Mikan long to grow close to her niece. They spent their days together, often laughing over some silly little thing. She taught the girl how to bake her special recipe chocolate cake, and Aoi showed her how to make her father's favorite apple cobbler. Mikan made a new dress for Aoi from the fabric she'd brought from Chicago. Aoi sketched a picture of the barn and horses and gave it to her aunt. Every day was filled with familiar things while always promising new, and Mikan loved every moment of it.

Her favorite time of the day was evening because that was when Natsume joined them. Suppertime discussions were frequently stimulating, never boring. Mikan and Natsume often chose opposing points of view on a great variety of topics, but their verbal sparring was good-natured. Sometimes they would talk about their childhoods in Chicago, sharing old memories of a place and time far removed from the present.

After supper was finished and the dishes washed and put away, the three of them would sit in the parlor. Natsume would hold Aoi in his lap while the girl read aloud. Mikan would pause in her needlework or whatever task she'd chosen to keep her hand busy, and listen. She would watch the two of them and feel her heart tighten.

It was on one such evening that she acknowledged what she'd tried to deny ever since she'd arrive. She loved him. She'd never stopped loving him. Perhaps her girlish affection had lain dormant in the years they'd been separated, but seeing him had brought it back to life. Only this time, she loved him with a woman's heart.

As she mulled over this revelation, Nastume glanced up and their eyes met. She waited breathlessly, wanting to see something in the depths of his crimson eyes that would give her hope, wanting it so much she ached.

He was the first to look away, his gaze falling to the open book in his daughter's lap. He lifted his arm from behind Aoi's back and stroked her black hair with his fingers. The gesture was infinitely sweet, an unconscious show of affection. Mikan wished it was her hair he stroked.

She swallowed the hot tears that burned the back of her throat as she too, looked away. She knew now that she would never stop loving Natsume Hyuuga. She knew it would nearly kill her to leave him when the time came.

And come it would. She had already seen encouraging signs that Aoi would soon walk again. Mikan wouldn't be needed for long. Perhaps until spring maybe, until the end of summer, but no longer than that.

She swallowed again. Tears were blurring her vision. She wished she could dash them away, but she was afraid that Aoi would see and ask why she was crying. Mikan didn't wasn't either of them to know what she was feeling, what she was thinking. It would be too hard to see the pity in Natsume's eyes. And she was certain he would pity her – so plain and colorless beside the memory of his long-dead wife, a wife he still loved.

She gathered her mending and rose to her feet, mumbled a quick, "Goodnight," then scurried from the parlor and into the safety of her bedroom. Once inside, she leaned against the door and allowed her tears to run silently down her cheeks.

"What's wrong with Aunt Mikan?" Aoi asked.

Frowning thoughtfully, Natsume replied, "I don't know, she seemed all right at supper."

"Maybe you should go and ask."

"No." He shook his head. "She's got a right to privacy."

Aoi scowled at him. "Maybe she's sick and needs a doctor."

"I doubt it, pet." He ruffled her hair, his gaze meeting hers as he smiled lightly. "She'd tell us if she needed to see a doctor. She's a nurse, remember?" He lifted the book from where it lay in her lap. "Finish the chapter. I want to know what's going to happen to Tom."

Aoi was soon engrossed with Tom Sawyer, but Natsume couldn't seem to concentrate on the story. His thoughts kept running to Mikan, to the unhappy tone of her voice as she'd bid them goodnight. It wasn't like her. In the short time she'd been with them, she'd been invariably cheerful. Even when he made her angry, it wasn't a mean or a spiteful anger. She simply spoke her mind – quite eloquently, too – and within a short time, she was her sunny self again.

Sunny – it was a word that described Mikan better than any other. Her smile was as warm as summer day. Her brown eyes made him think of sweet chocolates. Her laughter was infectious, unexpectedly touching something deep inside him.

He glanced toward the closed bedroom door. Strange, how the parlor seemed to have grown dim without Mikan in it. Strange, how quickly she had become a part of this house, this family. Strange how she made him feel.

His eyes widened. Just what was it she made him feel? He wondered.

Not certain he wanted to know, he turned his eyes back on his daughter and forced himself to listen to her voice as she read aloud.

Mikan made up her mind in the wee of hours of the night. She decided she would write to her father to ask him to send money so that Natsume could hire a nurse. As soon as she could find someone to replace her – someone she could trust to take care of Aoi, someone who would love her as well as see to her physical needs – then she would go back to Chicago. Back to her position at the Angel of Mercy Hospital, back to Mrs. Tsubame's boarding house, back to Saturday dinners at her father's house, perhaps even back to seeing Ruka on Thursday evenings.

Of course, it really didn't matter what she was going back to in Chicago. She just knew she couldn't stay here. The longer she stayed, the more she would want never to leave. It had been difficult enough before. Now that she knew she loved Natsume, it made things intolerable. She couldn't stay, knowing that the memory of Luna would forever be in his heart.

She rolled onto her side and hugged her pillow against her chest. For a moment, she allowed herself to imagine what it might be like to hug Natsume in the same way. Only his body would be hard and ever so much more intimate.

Natsume stared blindly up toward the roof. Try as he might, sleep continued to evade him. He hadn't been able to stop thinking of Mikan all evening, at least not for more than a few minutes at a time. It hadn't become impossible after he'd climbed the ladder to his temporary bedroom in the loft.

_Mikan…_

He wanted her. He wanted her as he hadn't wanted a woman in a long, long time. It was a physical need, yes, but it went beyond that. It was something deeper, something much more complex than simple lust, much more than just the natural drive of a man with a woman.

_Mikan…_

Once before he'd been swept up in passion, but never had he felt what he was feeling now. It was ridiculous. She'd only been in Idaho for two weeks. That wasn't long enough for a man to …

To what? To fall in love? Was that what he thought he felt for her? Love?

No. it couldn't be. He barely knew her. Okay, so he'd known her before, but she'd only been a kid when he'd worked for her father in Chicago. He'd hardly noticed her back then.

But she wasn't a kid any longer, and he couldn't seem to banish her from his mind.

_Mikan…_

Love? Was it possible he was falling in love? Having never loved a woman, he couldn't be sure.


	9. deep heat

I changed the Miller's pond to Hijiri's.... It just sounds cute right? Aoi and Yoichi??? Well I was thinking, to change this story to rated M? What ya think? I guess it will be pretty interesting on upcoming chapters of mine.... I haven't typed those yet though.... Merry Christmas to All!!!! and a prosperous New Year!!!! Kaye!!!he... l lng...

* * *

"Natsume?"

He dropped the big draft horse's hoof and straightened, surprised by the sudden sound of Mikan's voice, so unexpected in the silence of the barn.

She was wrapped in her woolen cloak, hugging herself for extra warmth. Even inside the barn, where they were protected from the snow and wind, her breath caused a cloud of steam to form on the air. Her cheeks were pink from the cold.

"May I speak with you a moment?" she asked softly.

"Sure." He leaned his arm against the horse's broad back.

"I think its time Aoi had an outing. I'd like to go to the pond where you two go skating. Hijiri's pond. Will you take us there this afternoon?"

He shook his head. "The doc said she wasn't to go out in the cold."

"That was weeks ago. Natsume, she needs to start _doing _things again. You can't keep a child shut up this way."

"I don't know." He shook his head again. "Why would you want to take her to the skating pond?"

Mikan stepped up to the corral door. "Because she was talking about it again this morning. She misses going skating with you. I think it would be good for her to see you out on the ice again. Maybe it would inspire her to try on her skates, too. She's getting better, Natsume. It's going to be slow, and she isn't going to learn to walk again overnight. She may never be able to do all the things she once could. She'll need lots of encouragement along the way, but she will get better."

Mikan had such an earnest, beseeching look in her eyes, Natsume had an insane desire to take her into his arms and kiss her until she was left limp and breathless. It the gate hadn't stood between them, maybe he would have done it.

He cleared his throat, at the same time trying to clear his thoughts. "I guess I haven't thanked you for what you've done for Aoi. In the short time you've been here, I've seen a change in her. She's been … she's been happier since you came. I'm not very good at finding the words to thank you for what you've done. But I do. Thank you, I mean."

"I … I'm glad I could help," she whispered in reply.

"Me, too." He stepped forward, one stride carrying him to the gate opposite her.

The color in her cheeks faded slightly. Her eyes widened a fraction.

"To tell you the truth, I wasn't happy when I got your father's letter, telling me you were comin' to Idaho." He didn't know why he was telling her this; the words just seemed to come out without his wanting them to. "I thought Dorothea had put you up to it. I was afraid she was going to try to use you to take Aoi back to live with her in Chicago." His voice deepened. "I won't ever let her do that."

"'Of course not." Her voice was so soft he almost couldn't hear her. "You're her father. She belongs with you, not in Chicago, no matter what my stepmother thinks. But I shall miss Aoi terribly when I return home."

Return to Chicago? Why did that have such a melancholy sound?

"When will that be?" he asked.

Mikan's stomach felt hollow as she looked up into his eyes. He was standing so close to her, only the gate separating them. She could see his breath in the air. She could see the bristles of his beard on his chin.

_I don't ever want to leave, _she thought, wishing she could say it out loud. _If I thought you could love me as you loved Luna, as you still love her…_

"I thought you meant to stay until Aoi was well." His voice had a sudden sharpness to it. His eyes narrowed, almost suspiciously.

Her throat was so tight, she almost couldn't reply. "I … I'll stay as long as I'm needed." _Until my father sends the money for you to hire another nurse._

The tension in his face eased. "You really think this outing would be good for Aoi?"

"Yes. Yes, I do."

"All right. If the sun stays out, we'll do it."

Impulsively, she reached forward, placing her hand over his forearm. "Thank you."

She turned quickly, hurrying back to the house before she could say or do something she would later regret.

Aoi's face glowed with excitement as the sleigh whisked across the white terrain. The air was alive with the merry sound of bells, keeping time with the snow-muffled hoof beats of the two horses.

Glancing at his daughter, Natsume knew that Mikan had been right about this. Aoi had needed to get out. She'd been shut up for far too long. She had always loved to be outdoors.

"Look, Pa!" the little girl shouted as she pointed toward a fenced pasture where a mare and a woolly-coated colt cantered. The foal dropped his head, nearly touching his nose to the ground, kicking up his heels. Then he raced away from his mother, running as far as he could before spinning around and hurrying back to her side. "Aren't they pretty, Aunt Mikan? That's Yoichi Hijiri's mare and colt. I got to see the colt the same day he was born."

"Who's Yoichi Hijiri?" Mikan asked with a smile.

"He's my friend. He used to sit behind me in school."

"He doesn't go to school anymore?"

"Of course he does." Aoi looked puzzled. "He's only a year older than me."

"Then he'll still be sitting behind you when you go back to school."

The girl's face lit up again. "Yes, I suppose he will."

Natsume watched the two of them, aware of how often Mikan reminded Aoi than she would be returning to the normal world, that she wouldn't forever be shut up in their tiny house, trapped in her small wheelchair. She was constantly challenging Aoi to push herself a bit harder, a little farther, and it was working.

It had taken him a while, but he'd finally admitted to himself that Mikan had been right to upbraid him on that day he'd taken her to town. He had been mollycoddling his daughter. He had been doing everything for Aoi, treating her as if she might break. And in return, Aoi had grown careful and quiet. Not at all like the laughing, Pink-cheeked girl seated beside him now.

Natsume shifted his gaze to Mikan. Her big brown eyes were sparkling with the same gaiety as Aoi's. Her mouth was bowed with a merry smile. When she lifted her eyes to look at him, he felt warmth spread inside him, warmth that was at odds with the frosty winter's day.

_I'll be darned …_he turned his gaze back onto the ground ahead of them. _I do love her._

That thought didn't exactly bring him the pleasure it should. Natsume remembered all too well how much Luna had hated living so far from Chicago. She'd thought Idaho was just about the end of the world. She'd never stopped wanting to go back to the city. She'd never stopped hating Natsume for bringing her out west, for making her live in their little house on their little farm.

Maybe Mikan would want to stay …

How could he hope for that? She'd already made it clear that she planned to return home as soon as Aoi didn't need her any longer. She might not be like Luna in any other way, but in that respect, she seemed to be the same. She didn't want to settle on a small farm in Idaho.

But what if she fell in love with him?

Why should she? No woman had ever loved him before other than his looks. Certainly Luna hadn't.

But Mikan wasn't _really _like Luna. Maybe she could learn to love him. Maybe – just maybe – it would be worth the risk to find put.

While Natsume held Aoi in his arms, Mikan lifted the wooden stool out of the back of the sleigh and carried it over to the edge of the frozen pond. Then she returned to the sleigh for the blankets they'd brought with them. She was just turning around when a snowball sailed past her head. Her eyes widened in surprise.

Aoi giggled as her pa leaned over and packed more snow into a ball. "He won't miss again, Aunt Mikan," she called just as Natsume hurled the missile in Mikan's direction.

She ducked in the nick of time. The sudden movement caused her to stumble, and she fell to her knees in the snow.

The little girl's laughter grew louder. "Look out!"

Mikan looked up just in time to see Natsume's hand releasing another snowball. This one caught her shoulder before she had time to take evasive action. Snow splattered onto her face.

Mikan struggled to her feet, tossing the blankets back into the sleigh while a mock frown creased her forehead. "If it's a fight you want, Mr. Hyuuga, you've picked the wrong girl. I didn't spend _all_ my time reading books in the storeroom." She bent down and grabbed a handful of snow, shaping it with quick, deft movements.

His gleeful hoot was all the challenge she needed. She waited until he bent forward to grab more of the white stuff, and then let the snowball fly. It hit him smack on top of his head.

Aoi let loose with a gale of laughter. "Good shot, Aunt Mikan."

"So it's two against one, is it?" Natsume straightened. The smile he wore was playfully ominous.

Mikan's heart began to race in her chest as he stepped toward her. "'Natsume …" she swirled and tried as best as she could to run.

She made a full circle around the wagon and horses, her feet sinking through the crusty surface several times, slowing her escape. She had almost reached Aoi before he caught up with her. The moment his hands alighted on her shoulders she stopped. Apparently he wasn't ready for her to halt so suddenly, because he didn't do the same. His forward momentum toppled them both into a high drift.

Mikan sat up, sputtering as she wiped the snow from her face. Opening her eyes, she saw Natsume doing the same. He looked so nonplussed she began to giggle. A moment later, Aoi joined them in, and before long, all three of them were laughing hysterically.

"Oh my," Mikan said when she could speak again. "I haven't done that in years."

"That's too bad." Natsume reached forward and brushed a bit of snow from the tip of her nose. "You look very becoming all covered with snow."

Her pulse seemed to hiccup as he rose to his feet, then pulled her up beside him. Their gazes met and held for what seemed a breathless eternity.

Natsume was the first to look away. "Guess I'd better get those blankets for you and Aoi. I don't want you two catching colds so close to Christmas, now do I?"

"No,"she whispered. "No, you don't."

"I'll build a fire, and we'll have some hot chocolate before we try out the ice."

"Yes. A fire," she repeated, but she didn't feel the least bit cold. Not the least little bit cold.

"Here. Let me help you with those."

Natsume dropped to one knee in the snow and carefully tightened the laces on the skates. His hand on her ankle felt strangely intimate, and her heart quickened at the sight of him leaning so close to her.

She tried to remind herself that he wasn't really interested in her. She tried to remember all the reasons why she'd decided to go back to Chicago. She tried to remember that she had come here to care for her niece, that she was just a nurse. But she failed miserably. She didn't feel like just an aunt or a nurse. She felt like a woman in love, and she wanted him to touch more than her ankle.

She felt her cheeks flame. At just that moment, he looked up. Her heart seemed to stop beating altogether.

"There," he said. "Those seem about right. Why don't you try to stand, see how they feel?"

he held out his hand as he rose from his knee. She placed her fingers within his, and he pulls gently, lifting her from the log on which she'd been sitting.

She wobbled, but his hands on her upper arms steadied her. At least they steadied her body. His touch did something else to her insides.

"I … I'm not a very good skater," she said apologetically.

"Too much time spent reading in the storeroom –" his crimson eyed seemed to deepen as he looked down at her " – and not enough outside in the snow." He grinned. "Except when you were making snowballs."

His smile – that wonderful crooked, right-sided smile – was like a bonfire, warming her blood and making her weak in her knees.

"Come on," he said. "Let's teach you how to skate like an Idaho farm girl."

Mikan didn't think she'd ever heard words more wonderful than those.

Heart in her throat, her hand in his, she slid out onto the frozen surface of the pond, trusting his to keep her from falling on the ice, all the while knowing that nothing and no one in the world – not even Natsume himself – could keep her from falling ever more deeply in love with him.


	10. HOT! hot coffee

hELlooO!!!.... I've got a nice day today!!!... I've got lots 'n lots of mails and cards from somebody's spaecial and I feel soo giddy....YAY!!!.. hehehe... anyways.... How 'bout a taste from my dream, ne? Here It is!!!.... Thou expected, somebody's going to cut my head after this.... hehehe... PEACE KAYE!!!.... It's coldin here,... mou.... and really smelly.... cookin' BULAD!!!!... hahaha.... sorry I'm on a diet, so no eating today... period...

LOVE YA, DAVE!!!!....

* * *

"I had a wonderful time today, Pa," Aoi said sleepily as he carried her into her room and laid her on the bed. She yawned, then asked, "Can we go again soon?"

"We'll see, pet." He kissed her forehead, at the same time brushing the stray locks of black hair away from her forehead.

"It was … Fun … to skate … again." Her eyes fluttered closed. She yawned a second time. "Lots of … fun."

Natsume smiled tenderly as he straightened. It had been fun for him to see her skate again, too. Well, she hadn't _actually _skated, but he had helped her put on her skates, and then he and Mikan had slid her around the pond, holding her upright between them. To be honest, he'd been surprised at the amount of strength and control she'd shown. She wasn't anywhere close to being able to skate – or even stand – by herself, but he understood now why Mikan was so helpful of a complete recovery.

Aoi rolled onto her side, taking the blankets with her. "Pa …"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad Aunt Mikan came to … live with us."

"Me, too, pet." He straightened the blankets, then leaned down to her one more time. "Me, too."

He extinguished the lamp before leaving the room. He paused just outside the bedroom door, his eyes quickly finding Mikan.

She was sitting close to the wood stove mending of her shirts, a tiny frown puckering the delicate skin between her eyebrows. A soft green shawl lay over her shoulders. She wore a gown the same color as her eyes, and her hair hung loose around her shoulders. It was the first time he'd seen it that way, and he was tempted to go over to her, to touch the fine tresses and see if they were as soft as they looked.

She glanced up. A smile curved the corners of her mouth. "Is Aoi asleep?"

It seemed so right for her to be sitting there, asking that question.

He nodded wordlessly.

She laid her mending. "I was afraid she was going to fall asleep at the supper table. She was terribly tires. It was a big day for her."

He'd like to see her sitting there every night.

"It was a wonderful day for me, too, Natsume." Her voice was as soft as a gentle summer rain. "Thanks."

He'd like to see her sitting there every night for the rest of his life.

Natsume turned abruptly toward the kitchen and went to pour himself a cup of coffee. He noticed his hand was shaking as he picked up the blue-speckled pot. He wasn't surprised. It wasn't everyday a man like him thought about marriage.

He splashed coffee onto his hand and grimaced as it scalded his skin.

"Damn!" he swore beneath his breath.

_Marriage!_ He had to be out of his mind. He hadn't found one moment of happiness in his marriage to Luna. If it hadn't been for Aoi …

"Let me look at that."

He turned, surprised to find her standing beside him.

She took hold of his hand, cradling it in her own. "Cold water will help ease the pain." She led him over to the sink. She placed his hand beneath the faucet and began to pump the handle. "Leave it there," she said when he started to pull away.

She was so close he could smell her orange blossom cologne. The fragrance seemed to rise up on sweet cloud, circling his head, filling his nostrils.

"Mikan …"

Her name was little more than a dry croak in his throat, yet it sent a wave of shivers rippling through her body. She swallowed, almost apprehensively, before turning to look up at him. There was no mistaking the desire she saw burning in his eyes.

Mikan held her breath as Natsume's hands closed around her upper arms. Slowly he drew her closer to him. Even more slowly, his head lowered toward hers. The touch of his lips against hers was infinitely gentle, yet it started a violent storm in her heart.

In all too short time, he released her mouth, drawing back just far enough that he could gaze into her eyes. She saw him gathering his resistance, knew that in another moment he would be apologizing for kissing her. But she didn't wasn't his apologies.

Mikan's hand slid up his chest as she rose on tiptoe. She was guided only by instinct, for never before had she felt this way about a man. Pulling his head down to hers, she put her heart and soul into the kiss as her body pressed against his.

She heard the growl deep in his throat, then felt his arms closing thightly around her. Her world began to spin, and she gave herself up to a wellspring of new emotions and sensations.

When his tongue danced across her lips, she opened her mouth, letting out a tiny gasp of surprise and, at the same time, allowing him entrance. Never had she been kissed so intimately. Instinctively she began to pull away from him, but he held her close, and soon she allowed her own tongue to dart forward to touch his.

Her knees grew weak. A strange ache formed in her loins. Her breathing grew labored. Passion – a feeling so foreign to her – exploded in a flash of heat and bright colors, sweeping away all reason and caution.

She longed for him to caress her. She longed for him to touch all the untouched places of her body. She wanted to feel his bare skin against hers. She knew all the clinincal facts, but now she ached to experience lovemaking as a woman. She ached to experience it with this one man whom she loved beyond reason.

She found herself almost gasping for air as his mouth moved away from hers. He trailed kisses down the column of her throat. She let her head fall back, offering him the sensitive flesh.

"Oh, Natsume … Natsume …"

Having him hold her, knowing he wanted her, was more wonderful than anything she'd ever known. If only he would say the worlds she longed to hear, she would never have to go back to Chicago. She would stay right here with Natsume and Aoi.

Mikan's eyes flew open as her head turned toward the child's bedroom door. As always, Natsume had left it ajar. What if Aoi had heard them? What if …

"Natsume …" she whispered, pressing against his shoulders. "Natsume, stop. We … we Musn't."

He released her so suddenly she nearly fell to the floor. Stumbling backward, she gripped then edge of the sink to regain her balance. When she looked at his face, she found him without expression. It was as if he'd shared none of the wild emotions she'd been feeling – and still felt.

"I'm sorry, Mikan. You're right. I shouldn't have done that." He spun around, strode toward the door, and left the house, not even pausing to put on his coat.

"Natsume." She whispered.

She was answered with silence.

He was shaking all over by the time he reached the barn, but it wasn't because of the cold. He barely felt the frigid temperatures in a body on fire with desire.

No, the shaking was brought on by his realization of how close he'd come to being swept away by the selfsame lust that had torn apart his life once before. He'd acted like a kid of eighteen without enough sense to see trouble when it was right in front of his face.

Perhaps he did love Mikan. Perhaps there was more to his wanting her than simple lust. But she'd never given any reason to believe she returned his feelings. She'd made it clear that her intentions were to return to Chicago. Did he want another unwilling wife, resenting him for making her live so far from the life she'd had in Chicago? Besides, unlike her stepsister, Mikan was most surely a virgin. If he were to take her to his bed, she would surely feel obligated to marry him – and then she would grow to hate him.

Natsume dank onto a bale of hay and cradled his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do. He'd probably already done too much. More than likely, as soon as he'd slammed out of the house, she'd started packing that carpetbag of hers. She'd be demanding that he take her to town for the first train east.

Lord, he was going to miss her when she was gone. He would miss hearing her cheerful greeting in the morning. He would miss looking at her across the table. He would miss seeing the way her auburn hair fell over her shoulders, and he would miss the sparkle in her brown eyes.

He straightened as his gaze turned toward the closed barn door.

What was he doing, giving up so easily? If he'd given up at the first sign of trouble when it came to farming, he'd be back stocking shelves in a mercantile somewhere. Was he going to let the first woman he'd ever loved just walk out of his life without even trying to keep her with him? He'd be darned if he would.

For some crazy reason, he thought of the angel in the mail order catalog. Aoi thought that Mikan looked like the angel, and he'd begun to think so, too. He'd begun to hope …

And why shouldn't he hope? Christmas was a season of love. It was a time of miracles. Maybe, just maybe, this was _his_ season of love.

Mikan was still awake when she heard Natsume reenter the house later. Hidden in the darkness of her bedroom, the door closed between them, she imagined him crossing the parlor. In her mind, she witnessed him performing all his routine bedtime tasks before he climbed the ladder to the loft.

Feeling sick at heart, she rolled onto her side, turning her back toward the door. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but it wouldn't come. Instead, the memory of his kisses replayed ion her mind, time and time again.

She pressed her hands over her ears, as if that would help to drive out the unwelcome thoughts. She mentally repeated all the things she'd learned in her nursing studies and from her married friends.

A man's physical need for a woman was a strong force. It was God's way of making certain that the race multiplied. It was not necessary for a man to feel love or affection for a woman in order for him to engage in intercourse with her. Just because Natsume kissed her didn't mean he felt anything beyond a natural, basic desire to lie with a woman. _Any_ woman. He was, after all, still in love with her wife he'd lost.

Luna … Fiery, beautiful, red-haired Luna. What mortal man could ever forget her? And what man would be satisfied with a woman as plain and faded as Mikan after he'd loved someone like her stepsister?

Besides, it was Mikan's own fault that things had almost gone beyond kissing. When she'd felt Natsume trying to regain control of the situation, it had been she who'd thrown herself back into his arms. If she hadn't remembered that Aoi was there in the house …

Her cheeks flamed hot at the memory of her wanton behavior. What must he think of her?

_I'm sorry, Mikan … I shouldn't have done that …_ The rejection in his voice had been so cold, so complete. _I'm sorry, Mikan … I shouldn't have done that._

She would have to leave now. She couldn't wait until her father sent money for another nurse to replace her. She would simply have to leave on the earliest train to Chicago. She couldn't live in the same house with Nastume any longer. Not without bringing more heartache to herself – and perhaps others – than she already had.


	11. Sad 'n Gloomy

Gloomy..... like the weather..... its really cold... Hnmph.....

* * *

Just as Mikan walked out of her bedroom early the next morning, Natsume stepped down from the last rung of the ladder. As he turned around, their eyes met. For a moment, neither of the spoke, neither of them moved.

Mikan felt her emotions rising quickly to the surface. Afraid he would read her thoughts; she dropped her gaze to the floor.

"Mikan …" he said softly, stepping toward her.

She raised a hand to stop him. "Please, Natsume. Let's not say anything about last night. I … I'd rather not talk about it. It was simply an unfortunate incident." She swallowed, trying to remember the words she'd rehearsed so often during mostly sleepless night. "I … I know how you feel about Luna, and I also know that I don't belong here. It would probably be best for me to leave as soon as possible." Her voice fell to a hoarse whisper. "Best for everyone."

"Why?"

Did he have to make it so hard on her? Was he being intentionally cruel? She groped for a reason she could give him. She certainly couldn't tell him it was because she loved him. She had some pride left, and she meant to hold its tattered remains around her as beat she could.

"Well, you see, there's a man I've been seeing for some time now. Ruka. Ruka Nogi is his name, and …" she looked up, and her words died in her throat.

His face was like granite, his eyes as cold as Lake Michigan. "Of course. I understand. If that's what you want, I'll arrange for your passage as soon as possible, but I'd ask you not to go until aster Christmas. Aoi's counting on your being here. I'm sure your Mr. Nogi can survive without you that long."

She felt woefully close to tears. "I'd like to spend Christmas with … with her, too."

"Good." He turned away. "I'd better see to my chores." He crossed to the door, then looked back at her over his shoulder as he put on his coat. "I'd just as soon we don't tell Aoi that you're leaving. No point in spilling the holiday for her."

Mikan couldn't speak around the lump in her throat, so she nodded in reply.

After the door closed behind him, she moved toward the black iron stove. Woodenly she prepared the coffee, then set the skillet on the stove and began to cook breakfast.

What she expected him to do? Ask her to stay? She knew that even he had to realize the folly would be. Even though he didn't love her, she was afraid they would end up in bed together if she stayed. And it would probably be her doing, too. Natsume was good and decent father. He wouldn't want his daughter subjected to such goings-on.

In truth, he was more than likely relieved that she had been the first to speak of leaving. That way, he didn't have to tell her she should go.

A sudden sob tore from her throat, and she dissolved into tears.

This was what he got for letting himself believe he was in love. He'd been better off when he'd accepted things as they were, not hoping for something he'd never had. He and Aoi had done just fine without a woman in their home the past few years. They would do just fine once Mikan was gone.

_There's a man …Ruka Nogi …_

Why had he been surprised? He'd heard similar words from Luna. Only he'd never loved his wife. But Mikan …

_There's a man …_

His first suspicions about her had been right. She _was _like Luna. Faithless. Devious. And he'd allowed himself to think he was in love with her. Well, it was better he'd learned the truth now then later. He hadn't been as lucky with Luna. Their marriage had been a disaster from the beginning to end. There had never been a time when either of them had so much as pretended there was love shared between them. Come to think of it, maybe that had better than loving a woman who didn't return the feeling. Perhaps it was less painful that way.

Perhaps …

Aoi couldn't understand what had gone wrong. Yesterday they had all been laughing and having so much fun, but this morning both her father and Aunt Mikan were wearing solemn expressions. Neither of them had spoken a single word since sitting down at the breakfast table.

She turned the problem over in her mind as she absently nibbled at the food on her plate.

She knew she wasn't mistaken. Pa likes Aunt Mikan a lot. He'd been happier since she'd come than she'd seen him a long time. And she just _knew _that Aunt Mikan was in love with her pa. so why the quiet, unhappy looks this morning?

Aoi glanced surreptitiously at her father, then once again toward her aunt, and suddenly she was certain that Aunt Mikan was planning to leave. That was why they both looked so gloomy. Aunt Mikan was going away.

An unpleasant memory intruded on her musings. She remembered her parent's voices raised in anger and the way she'd hidden beneath the covers of her bed, not wanting to hear the ugly things they were saying to each other. She remembered how despondent her pa had been after her mother had gotten into the wagon that carried her off. She wasn't sure how many days or weeks had passed between that day and the day Pa had told her that her mother wouldn't be returning home, that she'd died in some far-off place of a fever.

Aoi looked toward her father, knowing she never wanted to see him that unhappy again. She had to do something to keep her aunt from going away. Her pa needed Aunt Mikan, and Aoi needed her, too.

It was often that a farmer wished he had more things to do, but that was what Natsume was wishing at this exact moment. Anything to be away from Mikan and the pain he was feeling.

Only there wasn't mush left for him to do. He'd already fed the animals and milked the cow. Since Mikan's arrival, he'd repaired everything he could find that needed fixing, both in the barn and in the house. With a foot of snow on the ground and icy winds blowing in from the northwest, he certainly didn't have to worry about plowing or planting or irrigating his fields.

"Pa?"

He turned his gaze upon his daughter.

"What about a Christmas tree? Shouldn't we have gone to cut down before now?"

" 'Fraid we're not going to the mountain this year, pet. The ride would be hard on you. I'm sure even your aunt would agree with me that it would be too strenuous."

"But we can't have Christmas without a tree, Pa. It just wouldn't seem –"

"Don't worry. Mr. Hijiri's brining down a wagon full of pines for all the folks who can't get up to cut their own. He said he'd give us first pick. We'll go over to his place tomorrow"

After a moment's consideration, Aoi seemed satisfied with his answer. Her smile returned as she glanced toward the opposite end of the table. "Will you help me string the popcorn for the tree this afternoon, Aunt Mikan?"

"Of course. I'd like that."

The note of sadness in Mikan's voice drew Natsume's unwilling gaze. The sadness mirrored in her pretty eyes. He wished he could believe that the emotion was real, but he couldn't. When he found himself wanting to reach out and comfort her, he hardened his heart against the urge. After all, _she_ was the one who wanted to leave. She was the one who had kissed him with such abandon, only to tell him she belonged to another man.

Aoi's voice drew his thoughts up short. "You'll go with Pa to help him pick out the right tree, won't you, Aunt Mikan?" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm still not finished with my Christmas presents." Louder she added, "I usually get to choose the tree he cuts down, but I'll trust you to pick the best one."

"Well, I …" Mikan glanced up, her gaze meeting Natsume's.

"Tell her, Pa. Tell her she had to go with you."

"If she really doesn't want – " he began.

"Oh, please, Pa. she just _has_ to go." His daughter's umber eyes pleaded even more eloquently than her words, and he was helpless against them.

He turned his gaze to Mikan. With a shrug of his shoulders, he said, "It seems your expertise is required. We'll go for the tree tomorrow around noon."

"I'll be ready," Mikan replied softly.

He didn't know how she did it. _She _was making _him _feel guilty!

Natsume rose abruptly from the table and once more retreated to the barn. With as much time as he'd been spending out there lately, he thought, feeling the irritation spreading through him, he probably would do just as well to move his things into one of the stalls.

Dad-blasted female!

The sound of the closing door made Mikan flinch. She knew he was angry with her for deciding to leave, but what else could she have done? They both knew what would happen if she stayed. She might be an old maid, but she want so innocent that she didn't know his passion had flared as hot as her own. If only …

"You're going away, aren't you?" Aoi asked in a whisper. "You're going back to Chicago."

Mikan turned toward her niece, uncertain what to do. She'd promised Natsume she wouldn't say anything to Aoi until after Christmas.

"That's why Pa's sad." The child's expression was somber, and she looked older than her tender years. " 'Cause he doesn't want you to go."

Oh, how she wished that were true. How she wanted to believe the wisdom of a ten-year-old.

"My mother left us, too."

Mikan resisted a welling up of tears. "It's not the same, Aoi," she whispered. "Your mother couldn't help leaving."

"Yes, she could have. She didn't have to leave here in that wagon with that man. She wanted to go. She told Pa she hated him and she wasn't ever coming back." She stared at her hands, folded tightly in her lap. "Sometimes I think it's my fault she died 'cause I didn't really want her to come back. I don't think Pa did either.

"Aoi, I don't understand." Mikan shook her head, feeling confused.

The girl pushed herself away from the table, turning toward her room. "We thought you were going to stay. We thought you loved us and wouldn't go away," she said quietly as she rolled her chair across the parlor, disappearing into her bedroom.

Mikan stared after the child, a score of unanswered questions racing around her head. Luna had left in a wagon? Natsume hadn't wanted her to come back? What was Aoi saying? Could any of it possibly be true?


	12. A way

A gentle glow was beginning to fall when Natsume drove the team and sleigh up to the front of the house the next afternoon. He pulled his coat solar up around his neck, then hopped donwn from the wagon seat just as the front door opened.

Mikan lifted her face toward the swirling snow as she steeped outside. A smile of delight curved her pink mouth. The simple expression of joy caused his heart to skip a beat, and he took a moment just to look at her. Her hair was hidden beneath a dark blue hat. White fur trimmed the hat brim, framing her face and making her eyes seem even larger than usual. Her warm, woolen cloak was buttoned tight against the coldness of the day, yet Natsume had no trouble discerning the gentle, feminine curves that he'd already assigned to memory.

_If only she weren't so darned pretty, _he tought as he held out his hand. "Here. Let me help you into the sleigh."

He smile disappeared as their eyes met. He felt a tabbing pain shoot through his heart.

"Thank you," she whispered as she placed her fingers in the palm of his hand, her gaze dropping to the ground.

He wanted to recall the anger he'd felt yesterday. He wanted to remember all the bitterness he's harbored toward the entire Sakura family, but it just wasn't there. All that was left was a lonely ache he'd begun to feel love.

And despite everything, he knew that only Mikan could fill that lonely, empty place inside him.

The team trotted along the country road, the snowfall growing heavier, the temperature dropping noticeably. Mikan huddled within the warmth of her cloak, wondering if it was the winter weather that made her feel so cold or Natsume's tense silence.

_You're making a mistake_, her heart cried. _Don't leave. Tell him you're not going away. Tell him that Ruka Nogi means nothing to you. Tell him …_

She glanced at Natsume, sitting so stiffly beside her, his jaw set, his intense crimson eyes staring straight ahead.

_It's only wishful thinking_, she reminded herself. _Aoi's wrong about Natsume wanting me to stay. It's better to say nothing._

But what if the child wasn't wrong? What if Natsume did care about her enough to want her to remain with them? What if there was a chance, no matter how remote, that he might return her feelings, that he might actually love her, too?

There were so many things she needed to ask, so many things she wanted to know, but she was afraid to speak, afraid to learn the answers. And so they rode on in silence.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, Aoi massage her legs, then slowly straightened them, one at a time, just as Aunt Mikan had taught her to do. It hurt, but she wasn't going to let that stop her. She knew that the best Christmas present she could give her pa was showing him that she was getting better.

She was glad Aunt Mikan had agreed to go with him this afternoon to pick out the Christmas tree. It gave her a chance to practice without anyone else being in the house. If she fell flat on her face, she didn't want anyone to know what she'd been doing.

Besides, something inside told her that if she could just stand, maybe take a few steps, she would also be able to find a way to keep her aunt in Idaho with them. That would be the best Christmas gift of all, to have Aunt Mikan with them forever.

Aoi pressed her lips tightly together as she scooted forward until her feet toughed the floor. Her heart was racing, and she felt a little dizzy. She drew a deep breath.

She knew she could do it. Aunt Mikan had told her she could do it.

Pushing up with her hands, she raised herself off the bed. Her knees wobbled, and for a second she thought she would topple to the floor. But she didn't. Instead, she found herself standing.

A grin burst across her face. She was standing! Now she knew she could find a way to make Aunt Mikan stay. If she could stand, anything was possible.


	13. Christmas Angel

The tree filled a corner of the parlor, its fragrant limbs spreading the pine scent throughout the small farmhouse. Mikan watched as Natsume turned the tree one way, then the other, until Aoi pronounced it just right.

"Here, Aunt Mikan." Aoi held out a box of ornaments. "Help Pa trim the tree." She smiled brightly as Mikan took the box from her hands.

Despite earlier gloom, Mikan found herself returning the child's smile. It was Christmas Eve, after all, and she had much to be thankful for.

Following Aoi's precise directions, Mikan arranged the gingham bows and hand-painted pine cones on the tree. Occasionally she would look up and find Natsume watching her. Her heart would catch, and she's find herself hoping he would say something, anything. But he didn't speak.

There was only silence between them – the silence of the two people afraid to take a risk and lose. And so they were losing by default instead.

By the time the tree was trimmed, all traces of Mikan's smile had disappeared. It was impossible to force merriment when she knew she would be leaving Natsume and Aoi in another day or two.

She turned away from the Christmas tree and crossed to the window. Pushing aside the curtain, she stared out at the snowy blanket that covered the earth. The clouds had blown over, revealing a silver moon in a star-studded sky. Silvery crystals glittered on tree limbs and from the eaves of the barn and house. The night itself seemed more blue than black. It was beautiful Christmas Eve.

"It's time you were in bed, young lady." Natsume said to Aoi, drawing Mikan's gaze from the winter wonderland beyond the glass. "Saint Nick won't come until you're fast asleep. Come on. I'll carry you to your room."

"You don't need to carry me. Pa," the girl responded. She turned her chair, her eyed meeting Mikan's. There was clearly a challenge in her gaze. Then she glanced back at her father. "You need to stay here and talk with Aunt Mikan."

Natsume looked across the room, his eyes colliding with Mikan's once again, and she felt her breath catch in her throat.

"You've always said it doesn't do any good to keep things that are bothering me all to myself. Aoi rolled her chair toward her room. "And you always said it never hurts to try. Seems to me you ought to try, Pa. Seems tome you both should try."

Her gaze still held captive by Natsume's own intense stare, Mikan heard the door to Aoi's room close. Her chest felt tighter than before.

"She's pretty smart for bein' only ten." Natsume stepped away from the tree. "We do need to talk, Mikan."

"We do?"

He loomed tall before her. "We do."

The way he was looking at her … Her heart began to pump furiously in her chest.

"I've made more than my fair of mistakes in life, polka, but if you go away without telling you how I feel, that would be the biggest mistake of them all."

His fingers closed around her upper arms.

"The words don't come easy."

He pulled her toward him. She tilted her head back, their eyes still locked.

"Don't go, Mikan. Aoi and I want you to stay. We need you."

His head lowered. His lips claimed hers in a long passionate kiss that left her shaken to the very core.

It would be easy to say yes to this man. It would be so easy to stay with him just because he and his daughter needed her. But she wanted more. She wanted hi love, and he wasn't offering her that.

She pulled free from his embrace, stepping away from him until her back was pressed against the wall. "I … I can't stay, Natsume. You see how it is between us. If I stay, we'll … we would …" She felt the color flare in her cheeks. "I couldn't live like that." She finished in a whisper, knowing even as she spoke that it was a lie. She _could_ live like that. She _could _be his mistress and share his bed. It would break her heart, but she could do it.

Natsume's eyed widened. The crimson seemed to darken. His right hand lifted, and he gently cupped her chin with his fingers as he drew close to her again. "You don't understand, Mikan. I'm asking you to be my wife."

"Your wife?" the blood drained from her head, and she heard an odd rushing in her ears. Somehow, she found herself back in his embrace.

"I love you, Mikan." He kissed her sorehead, then pressed his cheek against her temple, whispering, "I've never said those words to a woman before. I love you, Mikan. Stay and be my wife. Stay and be Aoi's mother. We need you."

It was quite possibly the worst moment of Natsume's life. Worse than learning Aoi wasn't his child. Worse than seeing Luna's hatred and contempt for him.

Mikan's silence seemed interminable. Confusion in her brown eyes.

Maybe he'd been a fool to say anything. Maybe he should have just let her go back to Ruka Noji or Nogi or whatever his name was. Maybe he'd been wrong to hope. He'd taken a risk, telling her how he felt, and now all he could do was wait for her reply.

"You _love_ me?" she whispered, disbelief rounding her eyes. "But I thought …" She shook her head slowly, as if denying what she'd heard.

And then he saw what he'd longed to see. She was watching him with a look of love. Try as she might to hide it, it was there.

"But you still love Luna," she said, so softly he could barely hear her.

His daughter had been right. They did need to talk. Mikan needed to know the truth about his marriage, about Aoi, about everything. And there were probably things he needed to know about her life. But at this moment, there was only one thing he needed to know.

He cradled her face between his hands. "It's you I love, Mikan Sakura. Tell me now. Is there a chance you could love me?"

That odd rushing sound in her ears intensified.

_A chance?_

Her voice quivered as she replied, "I've always loved you, Natsume. Always."

When he kissed her this time, it was with an overwhelming tenderness. It was a kiss that reached deep inside her, touching her heart as it had never been touched before.

He lifted his head and stared into her eyes. "Tell me you're never leaving."

Perhaps it was because he had touched her heart that she seemed able to see inside his own. Perhaps that was why she understood how very important her words were. And so she spoke them clearly, the hesitant quiver no longer present in her voice.

"No, Natsume, I'm not ever leaving. I'll be with you forever."

Unnoticed, Aoi stood on weak, wobbly legs, holding onto the door for support. She watched as the couple moved across the room to stand beside the Christmas tree. Their arms were wrapped around each other. Mikan's head leaned against Natsume's chest.

He chuckled softly. "I think you and I are more surprised about this than Aoi's going to be."

"Mmmm." Mikan nodded.

"But it's a nice Christmas present, all the same."

Mikan lifted her head and looked up at him. "The angel didn't come."

"What?"

"The Christmas angel for the tree. Aoi had her heart set on it. I ordered it the day you took me to town, but it didn't come. She'll be so disappointed."

Smiling to herself, Aoi quietly eased back into her wheelchair. Her own surprise could wait until morning. For now she was content to just see how happy her pa and Aunt Mikan were.

She remembered the night she'd closed her eyes and wished for the Christmas angel. She remembered thinking that the pretty celestial spirit would bring good fortune to her father.

And that was just what had happened, too.

Aunt Mikan was wrong, Aoi thought as she closed her bedroom door without a sound. The Christmas angel had arrived, and her pa was holding her in his arms right now.

* * *

Ghaaahh!!!... Done... I know someone's gonna be disappointed with this.... really KAYE!!!!!... I'd like to have a love scene in here, but then I changed my mind.... you know ... it's really easy to imagine what that actions would be... but it's hard to formulate it in words... WAAHHH!!! huhu... I love reading some of those perverted things. but dont know if i could really have a tory with it... And to think, Christmas is OVER!!! sooo.... just watch-out for my other story... promise... i'll make it rated-m.... HAHAhhhh.... Classes would really start tooo sooonn... I hate it..... See ya GUYS!!!!.... To those who gave their reviews.... I'd like you to know that I also love your stories.... but I only read those Gaken and Inuyasha...... I'll try to return the fav and review all the way.... YAY!!! thanks a lot!!!!


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